Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Joustpipe

Two skaters enter, one skater leaves...
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Halfpipes. Skateboaders love 'em. Imagine a capital letter "O", chop it off halfways up, and build it on a grand scale out of plywood. You've now got skater heaven, and a recipe for terminally grazed knees, in my limited (yet painful) experience.

But, truth is - watching people skating on a halfpipe is kind of boring. A little like watching tennis, but with a bit more up and down action at the extremities. I'm sure it takes a lot of skill to do, but it sure can be dull to watch.

So here's what I'm proposing: a skatejoust. Make the half-pipe a bit wider, and make the skaters wear more padding. Suspended from the ceiling above the ramp are various weapons, all non-lethal, which can be grabbed by the enterprising skateboarder. Lances with boxing gloves on the end, those giant padded Q-tip-type things that they used to use on Gladiators, foamy nunchuks, et cetera. The more useful the weapon, the higher from the half-pipe it is placed. The most devestating weapons (and I have to admit I'm not sure how this would be done) are suspended in such a way that it's only possible to grab them if you're upside down, or using both hands, or in some other orientation which would ensure that the skateboardee has to pull off a particularly impressive move to get at them.

Already a new element of strategy enters the sport. Do you concentrate on building up momentum in order to snatch the lofty bean-bag gun, bearing in mind you'll have to avoid your opponent (who's just hastily grabbed the lowest echelon polystyrene truncheon) while doing so; or do you just tear the mid-height rubber mace from its velcro moorings and prepare for a more messy, low-down and dirty blow-trading scrap instead?

Obviously, the first to fall over loses, but extra points are awarded for artistic merit and/or chivalrous conduct. Milady.

Would also work with rollerblades and BMXs. Preferably all at the same time.

lostdog, Jan 04 2004

Jackass BMX Joust http://www.ulie.nl/~jackass/05.htm#movie
animated gif [chud, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

[link]






       I voted for though the similarities to hockey are striking :)+
theircompetitor, Jan 04 2004
  

       Might as well just build it on the roof or within close proximity to hospital ...
Letsbuildafort, Jan 04 2004
  

       I just like the sentance /who's just hastily grabbed the lowest echelon polystyrene truncheon/ +
Space-Pope, Jan 04 2004
  

       Game on!   

       Snowboards, too. +
FarmerJohn, Jan 05 2004
  

       I like the idea but I wonder if the excitement of the weapons aspect might end up being missed, because it seems to me it's pretty easy to just push someone off a skateboard without using any weapons. My tactic would be to ignore the weapons and just shove them (before they collect any weapons ideally). Alternatively you could do 'fencepipe' combining your idea with fencing instead of jousting. Shoving would be banned and the use of electronic techniques to determine when one opponent 'strikes' another would emphasise skill, poise and balance over impact.
dobtabulous, Jan 05 2004
  

       "You should not have come here, old man ........"
8th of 7, Jan 05 2004
  

       Excellent notion, Milady. +
k_sra, Jan 05 2004
  

       Nice link, chud. Funny to watch it play out frame-by-frame on my non-broadband slow connection too.   

       dob - no direct physical contact would be allowed. You can only hit your opponent with something other than yourself. Although I do like the fencing slant - gives me a mental image of two skaters, twenty foot up from the ramp, holding on to their boards with one hand whilst lunging and parrying with the other...   

       Never has a swash been so righteously buckled, dude/milady.
lostdog, Jan 05 2004
  

       This woud be pretty fun to watch, as a side note, the more advanced weapons would require you to hit a switch with the metal part of the skateboard, only possible by doing a flip or taking the skateboard out from under your feet and hitting it then remounting it, both are hard.
thelambs, Jan 06 2004
  

       //make the skaters wear more padding//   

       wimp.   

       +
ato_de, Jan 07 2004
  

       There should be some sort of military use for skateboarding. I don't know why, it just seems to go together.
RayfordSteele, Jan 07 2004
  

       - . I would not consider watching a decent skateboarder on the half pipe to be too dull, a little wearing when they perform the same trick again and again, but the pro's tend to be highly inovative.
Even better are the halfpipe "doubles" routines you get at the X-Games, now theres no way those can be described as dull.
kaz, Jan 08 2004
  

       I like this, a lot.   

       Along with a crusty pastry I throw in the idea of Pro-Am challenge matches where a seasoned campaigner is set upon by two or three amatuers - LET THE GAMES COMMENCE
p1stonbroke, Jan 08 2004
  

       I've been trying to convince my cousins to add some sort of blade on the end of their BMX stunt pegs...I guess I'll just have to make do with this... I'll talk them into it and post some videos I hope...
inc_b, Jan 08 2004
  

       This was "virtually baked" in the old Nintendo game "Skate Or Die," at which I am the best in the world. One of the tournament events is the "JOUST" in which two skaters enter a swimming pool, each with a big Qtippy thing, and battle.
mongmaster, Jun 07 2004
  

       Fictionally baked in the "Max Headroom" TV series during the '80s; the premise was that this had become an underground sport and then corrupted into a bloodsport by an evil corporation.
HappyZenWolf, Oct 16 2005
  
      
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