Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Life Cleaners™

these people will really clean up
  (+21, -2)(+21, -2)
(+21, -2)
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<posted on behalf of Mia, a not yet halfbaker>

One of the downsides of death is that people will discover what you were really like, principally by routing through all of the stuff you had in your house.
Life Cleaners™ provide the ultimate cleaning service: at the point of your death (the very paranoid can arrange a heart rate monitoring device) they scoot round to your house (entering with a key you left with them when you signed up) and they go through all of your stuff removing anything remotely dodgy (Mia suggests "drugs and sex toys"). A premium service would see them plant other stuff "Wow.. I had no idea <neilp> was such a philanthropist, just look at his cheque book stub", "aah, the Koran, of course".

Their fee would be pretty reasonable anyway as they get to re-sell the less dubious items (Alice Cooper CDs, drugs, alcohol) as part of the deal.
neilp, Mar 07 2005

[link]






       If anything, I would use the opposite service.   

       "Hey - here's a copy of the 'Necronomicon!' Are these electrodes? And a shovel? Where did all this dirt come from..."
Detly, Mar 07 2005
  

       I remember a few years back, The Man Show ran a sketch involving something along these lines - basically because the audience consisted of those who probably didn't have the most "acceptable" of lives. Still, good idea, except for the fact that after death, who really cares what people think of you?
CRTrue, Mar 07 2005
  

       <gossip> "I saw those life-cleaners go into neilp's house. I always thought he had something to hide. Probably drugs, or even S&M gear, I expect."
Ling, Mar 07 2005
  

       My girlfriend has an arrangement with her roommate that in the event either of them dies, the other would bury all traces of pornography and related paraphernalia in the backyard. [+]
contracts, Mar 07 2005
  

       Executry practitioners do this, out of the kindness of their repressed and wretched hearts.
calum, Mar 07 2005
  

       Death Cleaners?
FarmerJohn, Mar 07 2005
  

       This could also include a computer cleaning... right ?
NeoPiter, Mar 07 2005
  

       So what's that you've been hiding all this time, huh [NeoPiter]?   

       I suppose I'd want to have my computer wiped, in case my family found out I was on here instead of doing homework, but they'll never know, coz I don't plan to die until I'm at least 30.
froglet, Mar 07 2005
  

       JUst my personal never-wanna-show poetry :D
NeoPiter, Mar 07 2005
  

       [froglet] I'm glad to hear that
[Brau]... I'm going to try using that sentence next time someone asks me how I'd like my steak done.
neilp, Mar 08 2005
  

       Brilliant idea - sign me up :-)
Basepair, Mar 08 2005
  

       [UnaBubba] are these to be added in a [Detly] sense, or are you trying to tell us something ?
neilp, Mar 09 2005
  

       /Mia, a not yet halfbaker/ neilp's got a croissant in the oven?
david_scothern, Mar 09 2005
  

       You know you could've claimed the credit for your own [neilp], but I suppose it isn't honest...
froglet, Mar 09 2005
  

       [david_scothern].. err no.. Mia's my mate James' girlfriend. If I did have a CITO I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be imagining the things she was thinking and putting them on the HB. (OK.. I would, but I haven't).
neilp, Mar 09 2005
  

       [UB] the only thing that suprised me slightly was that you've got a basement set up for debasement. The [UB] I thought I knew would have his debasement in the backyard, near the BBQ.
neilp, Mar 09 2005
  

       Hey, I've been promoted to adverb...
Detly, Mar 10 2005
  

       Isn't [Detly] really an adjective in the adverb clauses: "the [Detly] way" and "in a [Detly] sense"?
FarmerJohn, Mar 10 2005
  

       yup.
yabba do yabba dabba, Mar 10 2005
  

       Um... wouldn't the police object a bit to this service - or is that the point ;-) ?
submitinkmonkey, Mar 10 2005
  

       Now that I think about it, you're right. I'm only an adjective. What a denoument.
Detly, Mar 11 2005
  

       I knew an adjective who was always "happy".
FarmerJohn, Mar 11 2005
  

       I have some notebooks that I would want removed. Maybe the "Life Cleaners" could waive their fee in exchange for the publishing rights? (only to be exercised after all affected parties are dead)
robinism, Mar 14 2005
  

       Back to the actual idea, I find this to be a tad dishonest. If there's one thing I despise, it's fakery.   

       Besides, who are you trying to impress in your death? Surely not all of your friends, family, and acquaintances are of the same ilk as to all appreciate only one kind of lifestyle! Won't there be a close friend or two disappointed to find the "cleaned" version of you to be upheld with evidence, rather than the [neilp] they thought they really once knew?
XSarenkaX, Sep 14 2005
  

       [XSarenkaX].. I'd be getting them to plant new, exciting reckless stuff.. not take it away.
neilp, Sep 15 2005
  

       Are you sure? You wrote: "...they scoot round to your house (entering with a key you left with them when you signed up) and they go through all of your stuff removing anything remotely dodgy..."   

       And even if they were planting things, it's still fake and I don't like it. Sorry.
XSarenkaX, Sep 15 2005
  

       //A premium service would see them plant other stuff // - I think I did mention my take on it early on.
neilp, Sep 15 2005
  

       Still...fakery. Sorry.
XSarenkaX, Sep 16 2005
  
      
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