h a l f b a k e r y
Expensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
Gerald stepped into the copy room, the sheaf of papers in hand.
The stapler usually affixed firmly to the table had been
replaced by a sign:
"Stapler through opposite door.
Please wear eye protection."
Reluctantly donning a white coat and nominal goggles, Gerald
stepped into a room
containing massive arrays of electronics
replete with blinking LEDs and confusing dials. Dominating
the room, however, was what looked like the end of a
particle accelerator beam line.
Puzzled, he placed the papers into a likely looking tray,
snapped them inside the evacuated cylinder.
The bolts clicked home deep within the door behind Gerald,
a quiet humming was the only indication of activity. The
came from the metal of the tube, but sounded somehow...
It was getting louder.
A display on the wall above the tube showed a red blip
accelerating towards, presumably, the Staple Room. The
whine became more intense and high pitched, and the
of electronics blinked more urgently. Green turned to
and then to red as the timers sprinted towards zero. The
tube sang louder and just when Gerald was considering some
MacGuyver style escape... it stopped, rather
The tray hissed open, and his article lay there innocently
intact, and bound by a single staple, still glowing slightly.
Larger than this...
[Detly, Nov 24 2004]
...but smaller than this.
[Detly, Nov 24 2004]
||I'm saving that for the binder.
||//So, how does it work?//
||There are two methods I'm considering:
||1. Each staple is magnetised along its length, so that it has a bulk magnetic moment, and is accelerated and guided by electromagnets.
||2. There's a normal stapler behind the tray, and all the electronics are just there for decoration.
||I like the #2. And the low budget version can be to simply blow raspberries just before you staple with your swingline.
||I can easily see all the guys in the office begging the secretaries to let them staple something,anything, rushing to stand in line, entering the chamber, then emerging with their glasses askew and a sudden need for a cigarette.
||I've witnessed sonic stapling before.....it was pretty painful to listen to. I think I'll stick with crossbow staples.
||Sounds like I'll finally be able to staple an 800 page document. Not that I'd need to, but it's nice to have options.
||I'll OK anything large, unneccessarily complicated and ultimately pointless. Look at my wife, for example.
||Basically a rail-gun with staples as ammo. I like it. [+]