Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Long Fingernail Chalkboard

Grind them down slowly, annoyingly and incessantly.
 
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A motorized rotating drum, surfaced in "chalk board" material, on which those with long fingernails can blunt their talons while annoying those around them.

A typical model could consist of a horizontal rotating drum, mounted on a pedestal at armrest height. One could then sit in her armchair, raise her feet up, play some Bach through headphones, and relax as she gives herself a manicure that sets all around her on edge. As a bonus, the other hand is left free to hold a cup of tea, or a gun with which to defend herself from enraged neighbors.

Guncrazy, Nov 20 2001

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       Just thinking about this makes my teeth hurt.
bristolz, Nov 20 2001
  

       Is there a china plate version for fork prongs that are too long?
angel, Nov 20 2001
  

       "Ve haff vays to make you talk..."
phoenix, Nov 20 2001
  

       To comply with HalfBakery engineering principles, the rotating drum should be clockwork-powered.
hippo, Nov 20 2001
  

       {{{{{{shudder runs down spine}}}}}}   

       This is just cruel, Guncrazy. Cruel.
Guy Fox, Nov 20 2001
  

       I have a feeling this wouldn't be as annoying as the real thing - something about the complex control required to just barely overcome friction - but I've no intention of testing the hypothesis.   

       I believe the noise is made by principles similar to a violin bow, where the sliding thing catches and releases hundreds of times a second.
pottedstu, Nov 21 2001
  
      
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