h a l f b a k e r y
Veni, vidi, teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini.
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I have a fear. Imagine being found by your family with your member in hand, protein stained spankerchiefs at your side, dead from a heart attack.
I have developed a means by which you will never be found in such a state.
Fill a large saucepan with cooking oil and place on the stove on high heat. Lay
on the floor (with your spankerchief at your side) in front of the stove. Bring forth your population-paste in your own style. When finished, get up and turn the stove off.
When the day finally comes that you keel over from heart failure mid-polish, as you lay there dead the oil will get hotter and hotter and eventually burst into flames and overflow and incinerate your body and maybe your house too. No evidence would be left.
[link]
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Well, I see your point. Although having survived one unnecessary kitchen fire started on accident by a pan of oil my lady forgot about, I'm not so sure about the method. |
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The fellow I know of was found dead of massive heart failure, dressed in the clothing of the opposite sex. I hope his shoes and belt went together well, and his colors were current. It was a terrible shock to his son that found him. |
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Dribble. Is school out, on a vacation, or have the kiddies just got their hands on computers for the first time? (Assuming they have stopped pissing and jerking off long enough to use it.) |
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if only michael hutchence knew of this |
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You have withstood the test of time, and good common sense, oh grasshopper, P. |
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When you understand you *are* already a baker, you may stop seeing yourself from the outside, in. |
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I'd have trouble getting off with the sound of my future body burn bubbling above my head. |
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However, for those who whack and eat, throwing some sliced potatos in the pan would really kill quite a few birds. |
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Sorry, just read "spankerchief", and got caught laughing. Males, did not know there was a term for that. Oh my god. |
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Well, it appears that, as a wanker, this user should have thought about it quite a bit. |
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Elitefingerburn isn't for everyone. |
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Not one mention of monkeys? now there is. |
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//However, for those who whack and eat// Now *that* is gross. |
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+ for use of alliteration - population-paste |
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<Excerpt from the 'Backwoods Informer'> |
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A male identified only as "EliteFingerBurn" has been rushed to hospital. Details have still to be confirmed by police, but it appears that he was performing onanism in his bedroom when he realised that there was a kitchen fire on the floor below. Running downstairs still erect, he grabbed a flaming pan of oil off the stove which slipped from his grasp, covering his penis and legs in burning oil. In a statement to the press made while naked in the ambulance he said "For god's sake please don't print those photos". |
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Turn to pages 4 and 5 for the pictures. |
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I have a fear -- sex is better than I imagine. |
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//Turn to pages 4 and 5 for the pictures// |
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..and for the full scoop regarding the short clip involving monkeys please use our secure online ordering ..... |
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For some reason, I read the title and instantly thought about a cheese grater, a nun, and a gigantic owl. |
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Horace was shy...timid, in fact. He stood alone in the dark, afraid to turn on the light for fear of what he might see in the mirror. He gritted his teeth..."No time like the present..." he sighed. The click of the switch and there he stood in the glaring light of the naked bulb. The stark shadows made it all the more hideous. He felt his face flushing with the embarrassment. Yes...he was erect and it was glorious and disgusting all at the same time. He quickly flipped off the switch...Carefully, he turned and began a slow walk to the kitchen..."Gawd!" he thought..."what if my mum caught me like this...the shame!" He opened the cupboard...the oil, the pan...the range...and an idea was emerging...Oh...sure it was a crazy idea. But, out of the darkend kitchen, the sense of it bagan to flood over his cranium. "Hmmmm...this might actually work..." he thought wistfully. He struck the match, chasing the sinewy fingers of darkness aside. |
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I really don't know what to say to that. |
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I think we now know why they call him [Blisterbob]. |
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I'm against this just because of the
suspicion that would be generated by
perfectly normal house fires that the
occupants had been frenziedly wanking. |
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I'd be afraid of just falling asleep afterwards and die unecessarily. |
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You'd probably wake up when the hot oil started sputtering. |
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welcome to hb - blisterbob. I never, ever thought I would say that. but then I have said all sorts... |
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hippo, I kept thinking that you said house flies. |
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night night, world and the rest of you guys. |
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Night po, remember to turn off the gas... |
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off out to find cheap petrol. |
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wag, remind me to slap you in the morning... |
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[bliss]Oddly enough, school is just back in, at least in the UK. God knows why he's chosen now to strike. |
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For the record, I am also a schoolboy. |
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Anno bun for [Pa`ve]'s well observed, "This is not subtle." which made me laugh out loud. |
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Bit paranoid arent we - Elitefingerbun? |
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//if only michael hutchence knew of this// |
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Why is it every time you comment on something, I feel like saying "EEEEeeeewwwww"? |
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I usually feel like saying that every time someone informs me that they've just shit their pants. |
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Then I won't tell you what I did to my shirt. |
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NO no, Pllleassseee, tell us! |
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Thats why you notify a close buddy. In the event that they don't hear from you within a certain time frame they can check on you. In the event that you perish with a smile on your face, your friend can clean you up and then call an ambulance. |
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Masturbation is a healthy habit, but it doesn't quite replace a healthy diet and excercize. Also, there's no reason to make the rest of your family homeless just because you fear being caught dead masturbating. [-] |
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Actually, it's no laughing matter. 78% of
college dorm fires are started this very
way. |
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I did not make this figure up. It was
verified by highly trained scienticians. |
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//Masturbation is a healthy habit, but it doesn't quite replace a healthy diet and excercize.// |
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Sp: A healthy diet and exercise is a healthy habit, but it doesn't quite replace masturbation. |
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thanks flux, I'm a better person for reading this |
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I think this is the first time I've liked an idea and yet not wanted to bun it. Ambivalence is a strange creature. |
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You had me at "population-paste" |
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Beware: You may have a Pavlovian response to TGIFridays or other food establishments. Either that or you may condition to the point that you require fries in order to become aroused.... |
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"78% of college dorm fires are started this very way." |
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So we are left with 22% of the original intake intact (presuming the above tactic was successful). Pass rate at 50% (generous). At least we now know why there is a worldwide shortage of skills. And they say masturbation is harmeless. I am off to enroll (again). Graduating will be a wank in the park. |
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