Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Meeting Shortener

Shorten committee meetings via paintballing
  (+19, -2)(+19, -2)
(+19, -2)
  [vote for,

I'll keep this short, lest you paintball me.

Each person at a committee meeting gets a paintball gun with one paintball.

If someone drones on, pontificates, blabbers, etc, you can shoot them with a paintball.

When you have been shot with three paintballs, you have to leave the meeting.

bonkers777, Dec 31 2008


       Yup. [+]
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 31 2008

       if MB approves...
po, Dec 31 2008

MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 31 2008

       sh what?
po, Dec 31 2008

       I respectfully suggest that paintballs be built into office phones too, so that during an endless phone meeting you can type in the code to release another person's paintball and it shoots them in the face.   

       The conference system can even take "votes" so that it takes more than one vote to get someone balled.
phundug, Dec 31 2008

       Sh keep it short, for gawd's sake.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 31 2008

       To reiterate, my suggestion is that, in order to prevent phone meetings from becoming even longer than regular office meetings, if you'll indulge me for just a moment to finish this point before I get to my main two points, that paintballs be built into office phones too, so that, as has been mentioned earlier, and if you'll pardon me telling a quick anecdote about my son's toilet training here which I believe you'll find quite amusing, the other day he was sitting and he kept asking me to bring him a picture book since he had seen me reading the newspaper so many times, isn't that adorable. So where was I, oh yes, during an endless phone meeting you can type in the code to release another person's paintball and it shoots them in the face. And the reason for this requires only a simple explanation which I will now tell you, after I give you just a brief history of our company's product development over the last 100 years. Now, back in 1909...
phundug, Jan 01 2009

       I find this wildly impractical []. You can already say "excuse me...not of general interest!" or similar to cut someone short, or pull out a Blackberry(tm) and start checking email while the other person drones on. A paintball is even more rude, so this would never be used in any real office. A non-awkward solution would be good...maybe anonymous paintball-launching, or an alternate management structure that does not mandate meeting attendance?
sninctown, Jan 01 2009

       No no checking email in far more rude than a paintball to the chest. [Sninctown] I'm sure if you do a quick search you can find lots and lots of methods to shorten meetings <ducks for paintball> and even some who will come to your company to explain it to you in ,no doubt long meetings <ducks for paintball> or even give expensive seminars on the subject. In fact, if you like, I could help you <fails to duck the third paintball, takes it in the forehead and leaves meeting mumbling something about a duck and a bush>
zeno, Jan 01 2009

       [+] Great Idea to cut short Congressional filibusters. "OK, Hillary ... be-labor that point". (Ka-chook!)
Wily Peyote, Jan 01 2009

       I'm thinking something like a dog-training collar that gives a mild electric shock (think electric fence, but less power). Each attendee wears one, and has a remote control, with a button for everyone else's collar. They utilise a vote-based system, ie when you're fed up with a speaker, you press the button for them to shut up. This causes their collar to vibrate, as in a warning that people are tuning out. The more votes, the more powerful the vibration. At some threshold of votes, say 50%, the recipient starts to get a shock, starting at barely perceptible, but building up with more votes so that at 100% voting, this is at taser level. So passing over into a taboo subject might well get you an instant boot. Depending on how passionate the speaker is [and how high their pain threshold is], they may choose to push through the pain. Also they can change subject, gathering more interest and people then might let go of the vote button.   

       Perhaps the chairperson has a veto controll, to either nullify all votes, or maybe reduce votes by 50% for a time, just to make things fair.   

       Lastly, this might be useful as a podium device instead of collars for everyone. You don't speak unless you're at the podium, and you have to grasp both handles at the podium to activate the microphone. This simplifies the voting system, 'cause everyone has just one button.   

       Lastly, it might be useful to give the audience a veto button as well, ie they can either give 1 vote to shock the speaker, or press the veto button to nullify two other people's votes.
Custardguts, Jan 02 2009

       [z-z-z-z-ZZZAAAAAPPP] Screw you all, I got a high pain threshold for electric shocks. [\z]
Custardguts, Jan 02 2009

       [sninctown] since when has practicality been an issue on the halfbakery?
hazel, Jan 02 2009

       What happens when the chairperson who calls the committee meeting gets out of hand and takes three paintball to the jugular? I mean, who assumes control over the meeting then?   

       Should everyone have 3 paintball pellets rather than just one. That way it would be possible to vote everyone out of the meeting, shortening it further (tries to avert barrage of paintballs with this tasty croissant)
MadnessInMyMethod, Jan 03 2009


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