Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.

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Metagenomics Analysis of Bernie's Clam Sauce

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Most food companies and chefs have their own secret recipes. They may be required to divulge their ingredients, but not the relative amounts thereof except for major ingredients. So, how do you reverse engineer Bernie's Clam Sauce?

Metagenomically, of course.

DNA sequencing is now fairly cheap, and can give data on the representation of various sequences, as well as their presence or absence. Given that most edible things have been sequenced, it is a trifling matter to run a DNA prep on Bernie's Clam Sauce, have it sequenced, and get a complete ingredient list, along with approximate quantities.

Obviously, this process might throw up some unwelcome surprises, as might the customers.

MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 20 2018


       When I cook food, pardon if this seems incorrect, but I think I'm breaking down proteins and stuff into smaller bits that are easier to deal with. Will the dna remain intact at 170 deg F?
RayfordSteele, Feb 20 2018

       That depends what // 170 deg F // is.   

       Is it a street address, or a grid reference ? We know nothing of this "170 deg F" of which you hu-mons speak, your words are strange to us.
8th of 7, Feb 20 2018

       Its a complex vector. Start with F, and then proceed to turn 170 degrees counterclockwise from that.
RayfordSteele, Feb 20 2018

       Apparently, 170 degrees Fahrenheit is about 80 normal degrees. That temperature won't bother DNA in the slightest (it'll denature it, but that won't matter). In fact, 80° is good - you'll denature all the nucleases, which would otherwise chew up the DNA.   

       There will probably be quite a lot of DNA loss, even so - for instance, enzymatic breakdown while the food is warm but not hot; and all sorts of chemical reactions. But they will affect all the DNA more or less equally - there'll still be plenty left to sequence, and the representation should be OK.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 20 2018

       Well then, you may be on to something [MB]. Why don't you invite a proper scientist like [bs0u0155] to work on it, someone competent and qualified ?
8th of 7, Feb 20 2018

       That's a good point, [8th]. If he pops in for a burger, could you ask him for me?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 20 2018

       We'll do our best, but to be honest running the deep fat fryer is a pretty demanding job ... took us a long time to work our way up to it from clearing tables.   

       We really want shot at working the drive-thru window, but the fascist manager says we "don't do well in a customer-facing rôle" ... bastard. That's just the sort of thing that Hitler would say.
8th of 7, Feb 20 2018


       I looked up clam sauce. Now, while not Bernie's, it should provide a framework. Since the boss is away, I was recently compelled to organize an impromptu scientific focus group on the effects of discounted alcohol on 2D Newtonian sphere physics. We ended up 2-1 down, but we pulled it back on the table football. Anyhow, having looked up clam sauce, I see that that the basic organisms would be Onion, garlic, pepper, wine, olive oil, maybe cow. But how much grape DNA ends up in wine? or would it turn up as mixed yeasts? Olive oil... is essentially a hydrophobic DNA desert. On top of that, salt, what's going on there? It's crystalline, so probably a virus. One of those strange nucleic acid-free viruses. Like a prion, but without the complex primary sequence. I think I saw a movie about something similar, I think I remember the face mask of an F4 pilot dissolving, now, that could just be a USAF procurement problem. Hard, but not impossible to imagine that as a movie subject.   

       Anyhow, this technique is the most promising way yet of determining the constituents of a turbriskgerfil.
bs0u0155, Feb 20 2018

       There you are [MB], get someone competent and the problem's sorted in minutes.   

       This could be an important learning point for you.
8th of 7, Feb 20 2018

       //Onion, garlic, pepper, wine, olive oil, maybe cow// Well, I make that 5 out of 6. Clams may also be an ingredient - this could be confirmed by sequencing.   

       //someone competent// You can talk. The customer toilets were a disgrace last time.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 20 2018

       That was on our day off. We weren't responsible.   

       Besides, you think the customer toilets were bad - you should see the staff toilets. Well actually, you can't because of the dense cloud of flies. The "long drop" design has its disadvantages.   

       If you have any spare slivers of soap, they'd do wonders for staff hygiene.
8th of 7, Feb 20 2018

       You never are.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 20 2018


       I'd think they'd have to be, with all of those festering flesh wound where augmented bits pierce through.
RayfordSteele, Feb 20 2018

       Remember at the end of all scientific treatises all clams made should be backed by verifiable sauces.
AusCan531, Feb 20 2018

       You're right - you need the mussel to back up what you say.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 20 2018

       Yes, but if you have that, the world is your oyster ..
8th of 7, Feb 20 2018

       That's a load of abalone.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 20 2018


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