Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Panda Chaser

Not the drink, the occupation.
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It is a known fact that most of the male pandas in captivity are old, out of shape and overweight. Exercise would give male pandas better health, which would in turn lead to being more attractive to the lady pandas. In addition, exercise has been shown to increase sex drive, at least in humans. Exercise could be used to supplement or replace panda-porn.

They have no reason to exercise because they have relatively small enclosures with easy access to food. Animal keepers do not usually have time or have enough status to keep them out of inexpensive pay scales.

My humble suggestion is to have low wage workers with an interest in veterinary science take up the task. Armor them up with a Gothic Style Ursus Mark VII and teach them panda non-verbal communication. Exercise would consist of: chasing or being chased by the pandas; Food! Keep-away; and perhaps panda wrasslin'.

shonmao, Jan 27 2003

Ursus Mark VII http://www.improb.c.../troy-new-suit.html
Bear Suit [shonmao, Oct 04 2004]

Animal Massage http://www.amazon.c...6-4104855?vi=glance
Closest I could find to occupation [shonmao, Oct 04 2004]

Panda Porn http://www.cnn.com/.../06/27/giant.panda/
If it works for humans..... [shonmao, Oct 04 2004]

[link]






       Sharks aren't //quite suitable// for chasing pandas. That whole land thing would kinda get in the way, dontcha think?
Bert6322, Jan 27 2003
  

       Hm. Never saw it. Found an episode guide though. By the way, the Ursus Mark VII is a suit of armor capable of resisting attacks by grizzly bears. It looks a more like a cross between a Cylon and Robbie the Robot.
shonmao, Feb 04 2003
  
      
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