Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Parental happiness sensitive juvenile environment controller

networked control of domestic electronic equipment with master availability switch
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"young adult" oriented electronic equipment could be equipped with a remote on/off relay controlled from a programmable parental happiness dial(PHD). The PHD would be marked on a scale 0 to 9 and would be set appropriately by the individual that pays the bills or nominated deputy.

The PHD would be programmable acording to requirement-for example a setting of 9 would give free access to all equipment, at 8 the playstation would be disabled, at 7 the television and video player, at 6 the hi-fi goes, 5 restricts internet access to approved educational sites only, 4 cuts the telephone, 3 shuts down all power and heat in their bedroom forcing them to meet their family, 2 allows only 10 minutes in the bathroom before flinging the door open and turning off the light, 1 clamps the fridge door and the ultimate sanction of 0 automatically summons a private maths tutor with appalling breath.

Thus sanctions could be swiftly imposed without shouting and stress. homework done -dial up, responding to civil queries with an entire sentence rather than a monosyllable, assisting with chores willingly and promptly sends the dial up.

Unnecessary sarcasm, wearing baseball caps bearing offensive messages during family meals(the only time I have ever seen mine wear them the usual way round), instant and pointless opposition to the most pleasant suggestion leads to that dial going down down down mister. etc

IvanIdea, Mar 13 2002

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       The response of any teenager would be swift, merciless and precisely targeted:   

       9 - Sulks, throws tantrums and plays music loud.
8 - Sulks, throws tantrums and plays music loud.
7 - Sulks, throws tantrums and plays music loud.
6 - Sulks, throws tantrums but does not play music loud.
5 - Sulks, throws tantrums but does not play music loud.
4 - Sulks, throws tantrums but does not play music loud.
3 - Sulks, shivers and throws tantrums but does not play music loud.
2 - Sulks, shivers and throws tantrums but does not play music loud.
1 - Sulks, shivers and throws tantrums but does not play music loud.
0 - Sulks, shivers and throws tantrums but does not play music loud.
  

       Croissant for bringing the American DefCon system and images of Dr Strangelove into the home.
st3f, Mar 13 2002
  

       Its always going to run into the general problem that usually kids are far much better with technologies than their parents. I can see the scenario when daddy doesn't know whats wrong with the VCR, while junior seems to be smirking a lot rather than being sullen.
mcscotland, Mar 13 2002
  

       Apparently no one has read "The Big Book Of Hell" by Matt Groening - I consider it to be Gospel Truth
thumbwax, Mar 13 2002
  

       Could we modify it for the office environment? (9- personal calls are cut, 4-cubicle walls removed, 0-pink slip issued etc...). The sarcasm meter is scary! I'd be to zero in a heartbeat.
rbl, Mar 13 2002
  

       In an effort to improve effeciency we have tried hitting people with the carrot. Results are pending...
rbl, Mar 13 2002
  

       Explain the behavior change of the lambs to grams and gramps for their risk of having a stroke or fleeing the insanity without their medication.
reensure, Mar 13 2002
  

       <tongue in cheek and mildly off-topic> Having a programmable rating system would too easily lend itself to government control in these days. Note our DefCon-like terrorist threat color code now. The next Bush policy: all teenagers are terrorists or potential terrorists and must be brought to justice. We expect all parents to accept our new policy, or we will unilaterally come in and assist them with their teenagers...</tongue in cheek>   

       *starts looking over his shoulder for Tom Ridge*   

       On that note, doesn't it seem strange that Bush Sr. gave us the phrase 'New World Order,' and Bush Jr. has basically inherited it?</mildly off-topic>
RayfordSteele, Mar 14 2002
  

       Omigod? This is like so like f*cking FASCIST and whatever? It's like you CONTROL like everything we do anyways?   

       Ooops, I said the f-word.   

       Is it like COLDER in here all of a sudden ... ?
1percent, Nov 21 2002
  

       what, fascist?
yamahito, Nov 22 2002
  

       speaking as someone who's 16, i'm not sure i like this. My mother is close enough already.
Eugene, Nov 29 2002
  

       I ate one of the croissants because I’m not too happy about this idea. It could be because I'M a teen, or rather because I think parents have too much control to begin with. Or maybe because I was hungry...
tustin, Sep 14 2003
  
      
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