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Poetic Legalese

  (+67, -14)(+67, -14)(+67, -14)
(+67, -14)
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against]

The small print appearing at the bottom of mortgage adverts, or in insurance policies (etc) should be written in strict iambic pentameter, or other pleasing metrical form. This should apply to all legal and contractual documents and would encourage people to read them, possibly aloud.

The reading of Wills would become a particularly dramatic event, allowing the solicitor to give full reign to his bardic talents.

Mickey the Fish, Aug 31 2000

Fisher v. Lowe http://www.lclark.e...me5issue4/tree.html
"We thought that we would never see / A suit to compensate a tree." [bookworm, Aug 31 2000, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(?) In re Love http://members.aol....er/wcc/inrelove.htm
"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary / Over many quaint and curious files of chapter seven lore" [bookworm, Aug 31 2000, last modified Oct 21 2004]

'Rhyming judge' takes over high court http://www.post-gaz...5supremes0105p8.asp
29 Nov 02 | "Eakin, a Superior Court judge who garnered widespread publicity by writing three opinions in rhyme, defeated fellow Judge Kate Ford Elliott of Pittsburgh, with 53 percent of the vote in the Nov. 6 Supreme Court election." [bristolz, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(?) 'Rhyming' Judge Out of Synch With Peers http://fredericksbu...lfeed=D7NINU000.xml
Some folks get little thrill from the rhyming judge's poetic skill. [bristolz, Oct 04 2004]

He has a complaint; but his brief, ain't http://blogs.wsj.co...ling-with-limerick/
8 pages of title triggers judicial limerick [lurch, Jul 09 2008, last modified Dec 17 2010]

[link]






       Got my vote! haha... As much fun as I already have reading the legalese at the bottom of car commercials in the scant alotted time already, this would only make it funnier. I'd be satisfied to leave it on mute and just watch the commercial channel.
absterge, Aug 31 2000
  

       The Qu-rán gets my vote for poetic legalese.
Scott_D, Sep 15 2000
  

       [the best I could come up with in 7.5 minutes...]   

       The terms and conditions contained in these pages
are copyright hereof and subject to changes.
The content, accuracy and opinions expressed
are not necessarily endorsed,
and are half-baked at best.
  

       [i need some rhymes for "lector", so the punch line of all this could be, of course, "caveat lector". suggestions?]
absterge, Nov 17 2000
  

       Your brand new computer from Dell
Has a warranty for you to read well
Else caveat lector
If a bad surge protector
Leaves it an empty and smoking shell
  

       Should you not send the warranty card
And the hard disk crashes quite hard
You can't lose your temper
Because "caveat emptor"
And you'll feel like a total retard.
  

       (Note: I am aware that "temper" and "emptor" don't quite rhyme, but "tempter" doesn't fit into a warranty message nearly as well as "temper." I also intend no disrespect for either the mentally retarded or those people who don't fill out warranty cards- your Uncle Nutsy numbers both sorts among his relatives.)
Uncle Nutsy, Nov 17 2000
  

       It should apply to lawyers as well. Then maybe we'd get some peotic justice.
Lirp, Nov 19 2000
  

       It should apply to the -entire- legal world. Could make court cases interesting (finally).   

       "You are held in contempt for failing to rhyme / A repeat will yield a $50 fine..."
Detly, Nov 23 2000
  

       There should be an office of 'Poetry Inspector'
He'd sort out your problem with 'caveat lector'.
DrBob, Nov 23 2000
  

       Methinks there is some overlap here with my `Lifeless Limericks' idea.
Mickey the Fish, Nov 24 2000
  

       Detly is dangerously close to owing $50. What he meant to say was "You are held in contempt for failing to Rhyme / Do that again you'll be doin' some time." Exact, encompassing both assonance and consonance, saving Detly time and money.
rfalv, Dec 20 2000
  

       But, Mickey, these are not lifeless; they are viable and legally binding statements, with the "life" forcefully injected into them by way of bad poetry.   

       And Lirp, I'm sure that some of those lawyers could use some "peotic" justice. Make sure to pass the pipe before the cross-examination! lol
absterge, Dec 20 2000
  

       I throw myself on the mercy of the court
Oh what a mess of my speech I hath wrought.
I thank rfalv, my poetry he did parse
But in all my reguards he remains a smartarse.
Detly, Dec 30 2000
  

       New take on Self incrimination:   

       Amendment Number Five
Reconstrued will keep alive
An attempt at law
turned to self-cutting saw
And permit its author to thrive.
  

       I was only trying to help ...
rfalv, Jan 03 2001
  

       (Here I now languish, in jail,
a convict with a woeful tale:
My defence was a mess,
but there can be no redress,
for I defended myself and did fail.
  

       Accused at one time of a tort,
I just mumbled some prose to the court
I'd no lines to memorize
and couldn't extemporize --
I guess I am just not the sort.
  

       To be thus accused of a crime,
and then also to fail to rhyme! --
The judge tacked on a fine ("Don't!" I beseeched her)
and when I started to whine (but alas, not in metre!)
Threw in, too, a chunk of hard time.)
Monkfish, Jan 03 2001, last modified Jan 05 2001
  

       We found your last letter a bit of a bore;
but as you seemed to not get this, we'll tell you once more.
  

       We admit we did worry when we read your account,
it caused us concern, which did not cease to mount
  

       'til we read that you'd made your commode more commodious;
then our legal mess seemed at once less malodorous.
  

       For by adding your stirrups and rehanging your towels
you voided the warranty 'fore you first did your bowels,
  

       and thus by not reading our clear guarantees
drank a fateful bowl down to the bitter lees.
  

       We did you no harm with our well-built commode;
for it was you, not us, who caused it to explode.
Monkfish, Jan 04 2001, last modified Jan 06 2001
  

       And we should also have a Ministry of Poetry. With just poets as civil servants. The goal is to make society more poetic. Just like the Ministry of Education tries to educate the populace.
rrr, Jan 05 2001
  

       Well done.   

       ::applause::
iuvare, Feb 09 2001
  

       Very well done...
StarChaser, Mar 20 2001
  

       An admirable idea, but what happens when Universities start applying Literary Theory to contracts? The lawyers would love this...
mcscotland, Apr 18 2001
  

       Don't do the crime If you can't do the time (Robert Blake,poetic justice, no?)   

       If the glove doesn't fit, You must acquit.   

       If you're thinking of seeing the movie "Hannibal", then caveat lecter.
mcdornan1, May 24 2001
  

       Though I'm sure it's been said, haiku makes error messages up to 350% "funner."
Tzvi, Jun 06 2001
  

       Shuffling off this mortal coil, I present this will Ensuring that my offspring get my money (Though it's nil).
periwinkle, Oct 06 2001
  

       Baked. See links.
bookworm, Oct 29 2001
  

       Heard a car ad on the radio the other day. Car ads in print always have a lot of fine print, which in radio ads must be spoken aloud - usually very quickly. The ad I heard on the radio was all rhymed -- until the legalese started. In my opinion, that ruined the commercial. The legalese should have been rhymed also. This idea would have helped them.
Morbius, Jun 01 2002
  

       I once read a court opinion that a judge in the Southern U.S. had written and entered into the record in verse. It was very funny. Something about a runaway Chevy, I think. I couldn't find it on the Web just now but I know it is on Lexis-Nexis if anyone has access.
magrak, Jul 16 2002
  

       It's Fisher v. Lowe, it was in Michigan, and I posted the link almost a year ago.
bookworm, Jul 16 2002
  

       I can't think of a better way to dramatically shorten those contracts :-) Contratcts less than ~150 words should should not be required to follow the regulation.
jamesxi, Sep 21 2002
  

       For thinking this up you deserve a croissant
Which, if I guess rightly, is just what you want.
Tabbyclaw, Aug 24 2003
  

       Grand idea! said thelambs to the man he smiled upon them, as they grazed the land.   

       Thank you lambs, I hold your aplause dear He stood up and left, to get the sheers...   

       He then returned, sheers in hand he looked on the sheep, as they grazed the land.   

       He knew what he was doing, without fear or remorse He'd shave them of they're wool, using peace, or force.   

       They'd be completly bald, and very cold, but he wouldn't care, because their wool would be sold.   

       He seized a lamb, and started to snip, Then he felt a sudden tug on his hip.   

       He looked behind himself, and to his surpise, There was an army of sheep, with hatred in thier eyes.   

       They tied up the man, with hardly a sound, Using wool ropes, with which he was tightly bound.   

       He was eventually found, after many a day And when questioned, thelambs had one thing to say...   

       He was going to sheer us, and we wouldn't let that be, So we hung him upside down, from a thorn tree.   

       Should you sheer a lamb, you shan't be spared, You'll be secerely punished, and forever scared...   

       And we don't really think, thats what you'd want, So I end my story, and you score a croissant.
thelambs, Aug 24 2003
  

       That rhyming judge guy, is that poetic justice or what!?
quantum_flux, Dec 20 2007
  

       Hey, that Fisher - Lowe case took place in my county...
RayfordSteele, Dec 20 2007
  
      
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