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Poop-Looping Sidewalk

Trains dog owners to be more obedient
  (+16, -2)(+16, -2)
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The sidewalk is made of small square tiles. These are equipped with pressure sensors and springs, and laid on top of a waffle-like metal grid for firmness (i.e. the grid takes the weight, not the individual tiles). The tiles are wired up to a computer.

A dog poops on the sidewalk. The pressure sensor detects a poopish-weight object resting on it. Other tiles detect a moving doggish-weight object and a moving humanish-weight object in the vicinity.

The computer calculates the appropriate velocity and activates the springs.

The springs flip the poopish-weight object to reach the place where the humanish-weight object is, at a height of approx 1m.

The humanish-weight object soon learns not to let its doggish-weight object leave poopish-weight objects on the sidewalk.

Two safety features: the computer does not activate the springs if other humans are also close. And it does not activate if the human is stationary close to the poop, or moving towards and removing the poop.

Could also be applied to litterbugs. A further benefit is the swift return of dropped wallets, children's toys, etc.

imaginality, Apr 06 2006

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       Don't forget to have the system take a picture while you're at it.[+]
sophocles, Apr 07 2006
  

       Nice idea Sophocles, that really would be the icing on the cake. (hmm, perhaps not the best way of describing it...)
imaginality, Apr 10 2006
  

       This makes me think of a Poop-poline, whatever that is.
skinflaps, Apr 10 2006
  

       Another thought: What if the human had a bag and was intending to pick it up? They'd still get it in the face. I guess they could avoid the facial feces by parking the pup off the sidewalk....
sophocles, Apr 10 2006
  

       [sophocles], 'facial feces', I like it. (The phrase, that is.) That situation is prevented by the second safety feature - I assume that people intending to scoop the poop are unlikely to continue walking away from it rather than start walking towards it or stay standing by it.
imaginality, Apr 10 2006
  

       Heaven help that kid bouncing a ball...   

       However, I don't believe you could make this work. The uncertainty of detecting a large pet's poop vs. a small pet's pawfall would result in too many calamities (assuming you deem a flung chihuahua a calamity, of course, and not a potential prizewinner on America's funniest home movies).
DrCurry, Apr 10 2006
  

       A better thing might be to allow my driveway, or sidewalk in front of my house to differentiate (weightwise, of course)between someone else's dog's poop and my dog's poop.
PollyNo9, Apr 12 2006
  

       Does anyone recall The Labyrinth, when Jennifer Connolly is wandering around marking her way with lipstick and little creatures pop up from under the tiles, changing the direction of the arrows?   

       Well, like the grid described above, but we commission Jim Henson's Creature Workshop to knock out a herd of those little guys, they come up and collect the poop, which we now call 'bio-fuel', and take it away to their underground methane power plant, which powers their underground city, until one day they grow tired of their lot, and rise up against their human oppressors to claim the above-world which is rightfully theirs!!!   

       Or not...
Asbestos, Apr 12 2006
  

       it sounds difficult to do, but would be well worth it. Hey while your at it, why don't you have it so if the person is going to remove their dogs poop this thing does it for them? This is so clean people get rewarded and messy people get splatted.
craziness, Apr 12 2006
  

       [DrCurry], the chihauhau would be detected because its weight is pressing on four tiles (and not on the tiles between them). (Though this means that perhaps dog owners who really really want to foul the pavement but avoid the poop-looping could train four dogs to synchronise their poop placement to fool the computer into thinking it's a chihauhau.)   

       [Asbestos], excellent idea! Let's install these pavements for now - when you get your creatures from the workshop, just pop 'em underneath. They can take the springs away and use them as weapons when they're ready to rebel.
imaginality, Apr 12 2006
  
      
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