Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Popcorn/Beverage Container

Part Man. Part Machine. Pure Evil.
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Whenever I go to the movies, I'm upset by the fact that my popcorn and maybe-that-is-whiskey-you- smell-what's-it-to-ya Coke are not packaged in a manner that allows me to blast my innards with as much sugar, butter, and other American nutrition as quickly as possible. You see, in the amount of time it takes to scoop a handful of popcorn, then switch hands and take a sip of whis--I mean Coke, there are a good 1.4 seconds that have been wasted; time that, otherwise, could have been devoted to grabbing some Milk Duds or pouring more whis---I mean Coke into my throat. This problem is nearing epidemic, as people across the world are slowing their hand-change times to nearly 3 whole seconds, which is absolutely unacceptable.
Last night, while screaming at stick figure drawings of the cast of M*A*S*H, I had an epiphany: I have gone completely batshit insane. Then I figured out a way to correct the imbalance of the food/beverage to mouth ratio in a manner that will revolutionize the theater-going experience to the point that it may not suck anymore. Behold, the Popcorn/Beverage Container.
With a sturdy plastic bottom to hold the beverage, accompanied by a popcorn bucket with a sealed straw running through it, you can enjoy your whis--I mean Coke AND popcorn from the convenience of that awesome spot you found to snipe the freeway from! Wait, what I meant to say was "convenience of the same container," not that silly freeway stuff. Seriously, I didn't say that. Why, did someone ask about it? Cuz I was out of town that day, uhh, seeing a movie... with... uhh, my handy popcorn container! The one in the link below!
AfroAssault, Mar 31 2005

Picture! http://www.geocitie...oart/deathcorn.html
Notice the fact that no one is wearing pants. [AfroAssault, Mar 31 2005]

[link]






       where does batshit come on the scale of insanity?   

       re: the drawing - I looked for the naked men but they are not there.
po, Mar 31 2005
  

       Perfect. [+]
contracts, Mar 31 2005
  

       Takes a Big Gulp.
gnomethang, Mar 31 2005
  

       Really quite ingenious. (+)
riromero, Mar 31 2005
  

       How about a paste made from coke + popcorn, and a simple mitten-like plastic scoop-type device thing?
Basepair, Mar 31 2005
  

       Why is your picture in black biro? Did the green one run out? [+] just because your madness scares me.
moomintroll, Mar 31 2005
  

       I'd be wary of eating anything called "Death Corn", but not bad.   

       //Notice the fact that no one is wearing pants// I've been at work for 4 hours and hadn't noticed at all.   

       To avoid condensation wetting popcorn, consider running the straw on the outside of the popcorn section.
Worldgineer, Mar 31 2005
  

       //The straw would have to have a valve-system//
Not really. The popcorn bucket wouldn't form an airtight seal with the drink section, the straw would either run through a gasket in the bottom of the bucket or be sealed to it for no other purpose than to prevent butter from contaminating your whis--I mean Coke.

//To avoid condensation wetting popcorn//
Good point. I don't think straw condensation would pose much of a problem considering that fluid doesn't stay in there once your mouth comes off, but perhaps an alternate "outside the bucket" design would be good, too.
AfroAssault, Mar 31 2005
  

       genius.
JesusHChrist, Mar 31 2005
  

       Surely there has to be a market for this. And don't call me Shirley.
AfroAssault, Mar 31 2005
  

       To treat his Scleros--I mean Diabetes.   

       I just noticed I'm not wearing pants.
jaksplat, Apr 04 2005
  

       Afro, I wish to take in a movie with you..
bristolz, Apr 04 2005
  

       Afro, are you by chance trying out the writing style of Somethingawful?
Aq_Bi, Apr 04 2005
  

       Afro's style hasn't changed in the 4 or 5 years I've been reading him here.
bristolz, Apr 04 2005
  

       [Aq_Bi] - Actually...no. I am a fan of the site, but I've had my writing style pretty much since Jr. High, and teachers said it was "great writing, but you need to stay on topic more." I wish I could write for SA, though. Oh, I did borrow the "batshit insane" phrase, since it should be incorporated into everyday speech.
I'll take your anno as a compliment.
(Phoenix goons unite!)

[bristolz] - Okay, just make sure to bring a kevlar vest and raw bacon, things could get ugly.
AfroAssault, Apr 04 2005
  

       If you're seeing that movie in Phoenix, let me know where and when not to go.
half, Apr 04 2005
  

       which are you more afraid of? :)   

       AA, you mean a bacon vest I think!
po, Apr 04 2005
  

       Timely. Just the other night at the movies I was cursing the fact that the theatre seats didn't have built-in large-tub popcorn holders.   

       This of course could all be solved if they just sold a popcorn-coke-dots slurry blend.
RayfordSteele, Apr 04 2005
  

       //AA, you mean a bacon vest I think//
But of course. The kevlar is optional, but recommended. Also, don't wear nice shoes or anything green. Trust me; I'm a professional.
AfroAssault, Apr 04 2005
  

       [UB], Perhaps some Milk of Magnesia would be a good addition, too.
RayfordSteele, Apr 05 2005
  

       I know I'm late to the discussion, but gimme a handful.
reensure, Apr 05 2005
  
      
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