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Don't let poor handwriting, grammar, or fingerprints spoil your next armed robbery. Let A1 Robbers VLLC (VERY limited liability criminals) print your hold-up notes for you!
Printed on convenient 3x5 cards, each note reads "This is a robbery. Give me all of the money and nobody gets hurt!" The notes
are printed in seven languages on specially formulated non-stick plastic card stock. Unlike regular paper, these cards will not retain fingerprints, sweat, or DNA traces.
Order now at a1robbbers-.vlcc-.online!
Don't let this happen to you!
https://www.bing.co...ghacc%3D0%26ghpl%3D [a1, Aug 15 2023]
[link]
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Can I get the Post-It version? Colors? Flash paper? Shouldn't these self-destruct dramatically or at least leave a nasty puddle on the teller's counter? Can you get some in your favorite enemy's handwriting, with custom fingerprints? I think a nice touch would be to make them edible and infused with a strong sedative; the bank staff should be chill for the duration. We're all about making the tough job of bank robbing a nicer experience for everyone. |
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//each note reads "This is a robbery.// - I don't think that's quite right. A bank teller who is a stickler for accuracy might prefer it if the wording instead was "This is a note to inform you of a robbery", or perhaps "This is a note to inform you that I am about to attempt a robbery" |
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//about to attempt// in the process of attempting? |
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// Can I get the Post-It version? // |
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Not quite. We were in negotiations with 3M Corp on use of the trademark, but when we brought a gub to the bargaining table they weren't impressed. |
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Wed probably go with a kind of tear off pad instead. Without something like your (very clever!) flash paper feature, sticky-note temporary adhesive collects dust, skin flakes, sweat, and other things that can be used as evidence. |
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You have some really good ideas there - keep em coming! |
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Important question, [pocmloc] - I think you're right |
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[hippo], [pocmloc], here at A1 Robbers VLLC we are serious about clear communication. We will strive for clarity in each translation for the regions we serve. |
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Probably have to include the message in pictograms as well. |
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[a1] Also, you need to think about whether your bank robbery complies with disabilities legislation - to cater for blind bank tellers you might need an audio version of the hold-up note |
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// to cater for blind bank tellers you might need an audio version of the hold-up note // |
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That would be part of our specialty line. Like those holiday cards that play "Happy Birthday" or "Jingle Bells" when you open them. |
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Without the sound feature, I suppose we could include the message in Braille too. |
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Notes are OK but pictures are worth at least a thousand dollars. Printed images generated by an AI of the teller's kid in the back of a panel van outside the bank should obviate the necessity for any words at all. I'm sorry I said that. |
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Well that's a horrifying idea |
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Possibly effective though. Definitely something we could offer to our most discerning clients. |
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I would never think of ordering one system on the usual terms for delivery in 3 weeks or enquiring about the "good customer" discount. |
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Failing to plan is planning to fail. |
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