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Pressurized flower greener

The wonder of mercury
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Everyone likes flowers in vases. But then they wilt, and remind everyone that death will come for us all. Wilting must be prevented! And it can, with the Pressurized Flower Greener from BUNGCO.

With the PFG system, push your stems through our special film, fill our tasteful vase with water (vase sold seperately) and insert the flowers. The film produces an occlusive seal over the water, with the stems themselves providing the only conduit through the film. Now pour liquid mercury down on top of the film, effectively pressurizing the water below. Just as Nature abhors a vacuum, Nature really digs pressure, and will reward you by keeping your flowers wiltfree as water is forced up through their stems from below. The flowers will weep with joy! Literally!

bungston, Apr 11 2005

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       You've skunk tested this, naturally?
reensure, Apr 11 2005
  

       If flowers with already free access to water wilt, how will pressurizing the water help?   

       Flowers wilt because they are temporary things.
DrCurry, Apr 11 2005
  

       The flowers wilt because they no longer have rooots driving the water up into them. This system is a root substitute.
bungston, Apr 11 2005
  

       Flowers die anyways. Although I'd like a glass flower.
finrod, Apr 11 2005
  

       Toxic fishbone filled with mercury for using the stuff--there are better ways to pressurize the water.
The roots don't drive water up, do they? I thought it was capillary action pulling the water up.
Put the flowers in a vacuum chamber with the stems sticking out into a bucket of water.
They are still going to wilt--I just walked by some wilting daffodils still attached to their roots.
baconbrain, Apr 11 2005
  

       Sounds like a case of the bad scientosis to me. Why not just teflon spray the whole thing and be done with it.
zeno, Apr 11 2005
  

       My original concept was, in fact, to enclose the flowers in a John Holmes Penis Pump and augment their filling in that way. My scientific spidey senses started tingling (I think thats what it was) since the water and flowers alike would be under vacuum and I am not sure there would be differential pull on the flowers.   

       The mercury was just to drive up sales. Sand works just as well, but don't let marketing know.
bungston, Apr 11 2005
  

       Just spin the vase and let centripetugal force .....oh, never mind.
normzone, Apr 11 2005
  

       I was going to post a dry ice flower vase idea at one time because colder flowers seem take longer to die but I have no idea if it would work.   

       You meen you can make flowers from silk!, why am i wasting my time buying a new bunch of flowers every week
psyco fury, Apr 12 2005
  

       Will cat litter absorb mercury? Hmmmm. Cats eat fish and scratch in flower beds. Fish contain mercury and mercury is implicated in many conditions afflicting cats. Doesn't seem to harm the flowers, though, eh? +
reensure, Apr 13 2005
  
      
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