Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Radical Anti-Theft Products

Say it with a big ugly head
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No thief, well maybe a few, is stupid enough to steal a car that sticks out like a stripper in church. Abnormally wacky objects on a car will do just that--A giant dildo on the top of the car, a big ugly head, and of course giant flames that shoot off the top of the car at random times, killing birds and various superheroes with the power to fly and make hilarious quips at the villain's expense in a matter of seconds. All of these items in the product line are removable and can either be deflated or folded up or something like that.

For an easy homemade version of this, place a LOT of stupid, annoying, and very noticeable (i.e. fluorescent colors) stickers on a strip of cling-wrap. Put the cling wrap on your bumper/window when you park somewhere, and easily remove before you drive somewhere.
AfroAssault, Aug 17 2001

"Flamethrower now an option on S. African cars" http://www.cnn.com/.../flame.thrower.car/
Casts "a man-high fireball, reportedly with no damage to the paint". [mrkillboy, Aug 17 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Art Cars http://www.artcaragency.com/
(Bad site but good pix -- google "art cars" for more info). [rmutt, Aug 17 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Fake Car http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Fake_20Car
well it was inspired by this and the fake death ray [GreeboMaster, Aug 17 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

stuff that gets sad when stolen http://www.halfbake...sad_20when_20stolen
as thought of by futurebird [kaz, Aug 17 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

using friend AfroAssault's marvellous logic, this place should be squatter free http://www.headingt...tory/misc/shark.htm
[po, Oct 04 2004]

[link]






       If they're removable, won't the thief simply remove them?
wiml, Aug 17 2001
  

       no. because thieves are stupid. apparently.
sdm, Aug 17 2001
  

       In South Africa you can outfit your vehicle with an anti-carjacking device that shoots six foot high flames from nozzles along the sides.   

       The Blaster retails at US$655.
mrkillboy, Aug 17 2001
  

       This has been discussed here before, to some extent. See link above to "cheap tricks."
quarterbaker, Aug 17 2001
  

       I wasn't clear enough about the detachable part-- detachable only from the inside.
AfroAssault, Aug 18 2001
  

       but wouldn't the theif need to get inside to do the stealing bit anyway?
absterge, Aug 18 2001
  

       Interesting....I need to not be high when posting ideas...
AfroAssault, Aug 18 2001
  

       A South African Story
Some (urban myth) hero, after having his car stolen once too often, came up with the idea of putting a bottle of vodka laced with arsenic on the back seat. (Crowd cheers) The next (urban myth) villian who to steal his car, (naturally) drank the vodka and died (Crowd cheers - yes, cheers - we've really had it with car theft in SA) The urban myth hero got jailed for malicious intent I believe (Crowd goes back to watching tv behind security doors, electric fencing, razor wire and six foot walls)
valkyroo, Aug 18 2001
  

       [Scene: Evening, outside of a posh, French restaurant. A Valet stands by the curb. A charming man in a tuxedo walks out of the restaurant; a beautiful woman in a fur coat has her arm through his.]   

       Man (handing the Valet a $20 bill): Fetch my car, would you?   

       Valet: Certainly sir! Which one is it?   

       Man: It's the gold Lexus with the 6-foot tall, firebreathing Godzilla statue on the hood.
PotatoStew, Aug 18 2001
  

       Yes, a thief would probably not steal a car with a giant dildo bolted to the roof. But if this practice takes off, would he still steal it if EVERY car had a giant dildo bolted to the roof?
mrkillboy, Aug 19 2001
  

       It really gets depressing when you leave your house in the morning to find your car alarm in the driveway where you parked the previous night...
Adman, Sep 09 2001
  

       for a car alarm you could put an electric grid that when a theif touches the car he get fried and is turned off by a remote like a car alarm
GreeboMaster, Sep 09 2001
  

       Mel Smith and Griff Rhys Jones once did a comedy sketch whereby Smith pressed his remote locking gizmo which activated any number of anti-theft devices on his super duper expensive new car, and said "No-one's going to steal that." Jones then pressed his remote gizmo, pointed it at his own, similar car which then turned into a battered old Reliant Robin and said, "No-one's going to steal that either".
pussygalore, Sep 09 2001
  

       Same idea as buying aftermarket security stickers and sticking them on your house windows. My neighbour's car sports a flashing LED connected to the battery, but no alarm, sneaky bastard.   

       I'm going to spare the croissant for when you are high, I think you'll appreciate it more.
ArtVandelay, Oct 24 2001
  

       Could you not just fix it so that your car gets sad if its stolen?
kaz, Oct 24 2001
  

       (Probably) another urban legend. I recall hearing a story wherein one of the Eagles (70's California "rock" band) pulled his shiny new super-expensive car up to the front of the super-posh Hollywood restaurant and tossed the keys to the valet.   

       After finishing his meal, the Eagle couldn't find the parking valet at the door. Upon inquring with the management, he was told "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have valet parking."
snarfyguy, Oct 25 2001
  

       There's no reason to kill a car thief with laced alcohol. Just leave some Ex-Lax chip cookies. Your car might be a mess afterwards, but so will the thief's butt and reputation. Just mark it "do not eat" so you won't be tempted. I liked the anti-theft device I saw on an infomercial last year. It locked the brake or clutch up and it couldn't be removed except by key. I want one.
gman, Oct 30 2001
  

       In Venezuela it takes 3 keys to start and drive a car. One for door/ignition, one for a large padlock that holds the shifter, and the last for a fuel line lock that is a hidden location. This one can be removed discretely when exiting if carjacked {as happened to my brother-in-law}. If this is not unlocked the car can only drive about .5km with the fuel in the line and carburator, just far enough that you have time to get away before they get back.   

       Of course, weather and humanitarian considerations permitting, a doberman in the backseat (perhaps a Sony/Terminator cross?) is usually a pretty effective method of suggesting the thief choose another car.
StonewaterX, Oct 30 2001
  

       They do make car alarms with engine kill switches. Or you could just hook up a car bomb to your vehicle...just don't forget about it before you get in next time.
Hazey, Oct 30 2001
  

       Forget the bomb! Just have a recording of the old Star Trek countdown to self-destruct. If you're really a sadist, you can always hook up the driver's seat to the battery and give the guy a shock. Just don't make it too powerful.
gman, Oct 31 2001
  

       Electric shock built into the car - yep, that's already been done. Causes no PERMANENT damage, but the driver wets himself and is unable to move for awhile. Guess what? Also a South Africa invention. BTW the flame-thrower has been made illegal.
weevil, Apr 09 2003
  

       ok. i have two.   

       1) This is a local urban legend in St. Louis, MO. Spot weld / superglue razor blades along the back edge of your car stereo, so that anyone who steals it gets a nasty bite one the fingers, leaving DNA at the scene, and hopefully requiring stitches at the nearest hospital. Possible Downside: Retribution   

       2) Connect the output of your car alarm to one of them 12v air horns mounted in a difficult removal area in dash (if necessary reroute a heater vent for noise conduction) inside the cockpit of your ride. Deafen the prick who breaks into it. Possible Downside: May shatter windows.   

       3) Both --NutsNvolts Oct 17 2003
NutsNvolts, Oct 17 2003
  

       I have a VINetcher and IDsticker applied to all my cars and I've never had one stolen. And I live in a sadly high crime area.
marksod, Dec 06 2003
  
      
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