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Rappin’ Call Attendant

Hip-hop through the menu
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When reaching a telephone call attendant, one receives a welcome message followed by a menu of options. The caller then uses the telephone keypad to select the correct service or person. Many people, especially youth, are turned off by the process, so a rapping call attendant might give better results attracting young people to youth services. Example:

(scratches)

Yo, you come to Youth Clinic for STD
Info on sex ills we got indeed
Did you do it with a hoe, was the deed with a man?
Need a pill or a rubber or a new diaphragm?
Now hear the rappin voice
An with your finga make a choice

(scratches)

Press the 1 if it’s clap, that’s gonorrhea (uh)
Or 2 if the privates got the chlamydia
If your girl or you havin herpes, push on that 3
Or 4 if the worry’s AIDS or H I V
If supplies are your want
Stay nonchalant,
Make a dive
For numero 5
Or wanna rap with a dude of skin an bone
Hit O on the pad an hold the phone

(scratches)

FarmerJohn, Aug 07 2002

Example of Rappin' gone wrong http://video.google...nt+copy+that+floppy
Early 90's anti piracy video. Check MC Double Def DP, yo. If only they knew what "DP" would come to mean. [AfroAssault, Mar 23 2006]

[link]






       Yo, I pull it out of my ass-orted ghetto memories.
FarmerJohn, Aug 07 2002
  

       FJ: You're not subliminally implying anything about a particular culture by using an STD clinic as an example, are you?
Mr Burns, Aug 07 2002
  

       thc: Nope, never thought of that. You mean the youth or black or latino or ghetto culture? I was thinking of a service that would need help attracting youth in need, like a drug rehab clinic. Rap is popular in many cultures.   

       bliss: no ghettos; immigrant offspring who rap; no asses but moose and reindeer
FarmerJohn, Aug 07 2002
  

       Just checking. Rap is also very UNpopular in many cultures. I'd hang up on it, even if I did need to ask Betty Ford a few questions.
Mr Burns, Aug 07 2002
  

       I think that is so funny (into Nelly at present - hah) but for our uncool friends perhaps another example, please.   

       croissant 4 you.
po, Aug 07 2002
  

       [thc]its a form of poetry, a form of communication. like most things it can be done badly. open your mind - little man. (his anno disappeared overnight!)
po, Aug 07 2002
  

       I agree with you, po. I just don't care for it. Previous annotation removed so as not to ruffle any feathers with personal opinion.
Mr Burns, Aug 07 2002
  

       so you don't *care* for poetry and/or communication? oh dear. I quite like my feathers ruffled - but my favourite ruffler is not around!
po, Aug 07 2002
  

       I don't care for poetry that uses words like trick, bitch, ho, or slut, and I don't care for poetry that suggests fucking the police. Amusing, but not my cup of coffee.
Mr Burns, Aug 07 2002
  

       like I say there is good and bad. whatever pushes your buttons.   

       hey, its hot in here!   

       communication is the important issue.
po, Aug 07 2002
  

       Rap in itself is not "my bowl of custard".   

       There's rapping immigrant offspring in Sweden?
BinaryCookies, Aug 07 2002
  

       Hmmm. Do you live in Seattle? (Farmer) Did you get this idea from the bizzarro evil and stupid Planned Parenthood commercial they're showing? If not oh man are you in for a treat. It's pretty wrong. Funny to me either way.
kittybot, Aug 08 2002
  

       At my office, instead of menus, we have *cough* phone slaves to do the directing. It's actually easier that way, for the custy. Farmer, you trick-ass-bitch, you be hip-hoppin' wit dis one. Damn, if I could rap at work, It'd be f**king berzerk.
polartomato, Aug 08 2002
  

       //I don't care for poetry that uses words like trick, bitch, ho, or slut, and I don't care for poetry that suggests fucking the police. Amusing, but not my cup of coffee.//

There's plenty of Christian rap without curse words, not to mention plenty of non-Christian rappers that don't only talk about "shooting fucking cops in the ghetto with their iced out wrists, bitch." Problem with rap is that it's way too goddamned commercial, it's all about marketing. Glamourous tales sell, record companies know this, so people who listen to the radio are exposed only to glam-rap, whereas if you tap into the underground you open up a whole cave of creativity and poetry. Check the likes of Anticon if you want something that strays about as far as possible from conventional hip hop, or something like Mountain Brothers if you don't like samples.

That being said, [FarmerJohn], do you not remember the disasters wrought from corporate misuse of rap in the 80's? Every children's TV show had a rap about crossing the street, commercials had middle aged white guys trying to rap about the product, and movies had shitty "hip hop" soundtracks that really sucked. I can't picture this working much better.
AfroAssault, Aug 10 2002
  

       No, I'm afraid I haven't been to the States too much in the last 30 years. Of course this was written with a wink of the eye, but I think a mddle ground could be reached with a young "ethnic" rapper to help the caller feel more at home.
FarmerJohn, Aug 10 2002
  

       AA: Glam-rap! HA! Long hair and leather pants? No one person can say what music is good and what is bad- it's all in the listener's ear and what he/she cares for, hence my removing the (c)RAP anno.   

       Afro said it best: Constant vulgarity for shock value does *not* constitute poetry- it's called marketing.
Mr Burns, Aug 10 2002
  
      
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