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RentaMugger

How to brighten up your dull life
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... Bored and listless? Feel ignored by your friends and relations? Give details of your outdoor movements etc. with photo to RENTAMUGGER service.
... One of our skilled operatives will then mug you at a time and place you'll never be able to guess within a two week time-span you choose.
... Fees vary according to service required e.g. 1. Bruises only 2. Bleeding minor 3. Bleeding major. Half fee with booking. Carry the rest with you for snatching during the mugging.
... Fees are reasonable considering the instant publicity you'll get and the tales you can tell of How You Were Mugged.
... We have police approval because were are contracted to them as anti-mugging trainers
. ... This enhances your experience because they don't know when we'll mug you either.
... Your simple ordinary mugging might turn into a thrilling cross-town chase and capture, with you covered in non-staining blood-substitute on tv for a full 15 seconds!
rayfo, Nov 16 2000

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       And maybe even more deluxe and harrowing versions, like rent-an-international-conspiracy-goon (can cover several regions or continents), or rent-a-case-of-mistaken-identity (a la The Fugitive).
Bumpy, Nov 16 2000
  

       Great stuff Bumpy. You and I will go far together. Trouble is the next step RENTAWAR, has long been baked! I was in the middle of negotiating to revive the Korean war and rent it out to the Palestinians until the North Koreans started this disgusting peace racket ...
rayfo, Nov 16 2000
  
      
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