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When poison is desirable, but not an option (entertaining in-laws? your boss? your soon-to--be ex?). Turn to the Revenger's Tragedy Cookbook - a collection of revolting recipes. Here's an example:
Crappit Heids (Scottish recipe)
Take some fish (eg herrings). Wrap them in a cloth. Insert into a cavity
of a dry stone wall. Leave for a couple of months. Retrieve them: serve up.
||get it printed and in the shops for christmas. +1
||where's thumb? he might appreciate this and UB would marinade to perfection.