Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Roulette Acres Casino, Hotel & Nursing Home

Combination nursing home/casino
  (+7, -1)
(+7, -1)
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against]

So someone at work was talking about their friend, whose 101-YEAR-OLD mother had just returned from a casino trip... "She really loves her slots," this friend had said, "and the way they pamper their customers, I was thinking it might be cheaper to keep her there rather than in the nursing home...."

DING> Light goes on. Why not COMBINE them?

Welcome to Roulette Acres, the world's first facility to combine a state-of-the-art nursing home and full- featured 24-hour casino!

Residents get a "Roulette Acres Account," which enables them to spend as much time as they like at the slot machines and blackjack tables, or in our specially furnished Bingo Parlor! (Their win rates are carefully monitored and adjusted on an individual basis to keep them in the optimum state of anticipation and excitement!) Studies have found that many seniors find gambling to be therapeutic, so we have secured grants from Medicare to help supplement their accounts! And their winnings can be used to help purchase their pharmaceuticals!

Those who are willing and able can also become workers at the casino as part of our occupational therapy program! Here's 94-year-old "Uncle Clyde," who loves dealing blackjack! "I get to interact with lots of people," says the gregarious Clyde, "especially these lovely young ladies!" Yes, the casino is also open to the public! So you can come visit Grandma and return home richer for the experience!

Even bedridden patients can get in on the fun, with video poker and other games available in every room!

And when your loved one passes away, what better place for the after-funeral reception than our lovely banquet hall, with sumptuous buffet and open bar!

So make everyone happy - come to Roulette Acres! Remember our slogan, "It's a good bet that you'll love it here!"

smendler, Jan 09 2013

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       oh yeah, before my Dad stopped driving (at age 85) they went to the casinos regularly! [+]
xandram, Jan 09 2013
  

       The intellectual stimulation aspect is good. Card games offer group activities. A definite [+].
8th of 7, Jan 09 2013
  

       Bet yer denture adventure land.   

       Plus then they would never get out and get some fresh air and we put them in there for a reason so they can stay there dammit!
Brian the Painter, Jan 10 2013
  
      
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