So someone at work was talking about their friend,
101-YEAR-OLD mother had just returned from a casino
trip... "She really loves her slots," this friend had said,
the way they pamper their customers, I was thinking it
might be cheaper to keep her there rather than in the
DING> Light goes on. Why not COMBINE them?
Welcome to Roulette Acres, the world's first facility to
combine a state-of-the-art nursing home and full-
Residents get a "Roulette Acres Account," which enables
them to spend as much time as they like at the slot
machines and blackjack tables, or in our specially
furnished Bingo Parlor! (Their win rates are carefully
monitored and adjusted on an individual basis to keep
them in the optimum state of anticipation and
excitement!) Studies have found that many seniors find
gambling to be therapeutic, so we have secured grants
from Medicare to help supplement their accounts! And
their winnings can be used to help purchase their
Those who are willing and able can also become workers
at the casino as part of our occupational therapy
Here's 94-year-old "Uncle Clyde," who loves dealing
blackjack! "I get to interact with lots of people," says the
gregarious Clyde, "especially these lovely young ladies!"
Yes, the casino is also open to the public! So you can
visit Grandma and return home richer for the
Even bedridden patients can get in on the fun, with video
poker and other games available in every room!
And when your loved one passes away, what better place
for the after-funeral reception than our lovely banquet
hall, with sumptuous buffet and open bar!
So make everyone happy - come to Roulette Acres!
Remember our slogan, "It's a good bet that you'll love it