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Saws First & Asks Questions Later

Tools for Cowboy Builders
  (+6, -2)
(+6, -2)
  [vote for,
against]

Where I come from, bad workers are referred to as "cowboys", as in "cowboy builders." They arrive on the job late, never have the right tools with them, eat greasy gunge food, leave a mess, charge you a fortune for work that has a habit of falling apart just after the guarantee runs out.... and once they have your money, they never answer the phone. Know the feeling?

What is required are a set of tools appropriate to the needs of the cowboy builder, so I have designed a short range of simple equipment that they might be expected to bring with them on their next job.

The most basic of these is the Smith and Tenon Saw, which I have illustrated for your pleasure and edification. More images of future ideas will follow, one way or another.....

xenzag, May 31 2006

Smith & Tenon https://sodabred.tu...estions-later-its-a
from the land of sodabred [xenzag, May 31 2006, last modified May 18 2018]

Gödel http://www.miskatonic.org/godel.html
incompleteness theorem [xenzag, Jun 07 2006]

[link]






       What website? All I see is the one drawing.
ldischler, May 31 2006
  

       What[ldischler]said.
skinflaps, May 31 2006
  

       "With the Smith & Tenon you can cut it twice and it's still too short!"
Ling, May 31 2006
  

       + I don't like guns, but I do like saws, so if the cowboy must have this to work, it's OK.   

       What's with this guy [phlish] calling the *shots*?
xandram, May 31 2006
  

       It may not be an advert for a website, but it is a play on words, not an idea. I'm fishboning.   

       Very nice illustration! Less good wordplay, though.
baconbrain, May 31 2006
  

       It's fuck all to do with a play on words - apart from fact that all ideas are a "play on words", but that's why it's explained via an illustration.
xenzag, May 31 2006
  

       /offers [xenzag] $19.95 after being suckered into blatantly commercial single page website blatantly advertising blatant guntool thing./   

       /wonders if [xenzag] will say "Wait, there's more!", because [bungston] likes more/   

       /gently points out that the long grass is full of ticks, and now, so is [xenzag]/
bungston, May 31 2006
  

       + From me. It's not an advertisment, and it's not a play on words - it's an idea for a novelty sarcastic saw that couldn't be properly explained without an (very well crafted, by the way) illustration.   

       (The pedant in me is wondering if the "an" in the above sentence should be "a". Damned brackets - always muddying the waters of punctuation...)
lostdog, May 31 2006
  

       yes, and what [lostdog] said....but leave me out of the pedant stuff.
xandram, May 31 2006
  

       //It's fuck all to do with a play on words //   

       Oh, sorry. When you made up cowboyish tools for "cowboy" workers I got confused. Then I thought that the "Smith & Tenon" gun/saw name was a reference to _Smith_and_Wesson_ guns, mixed with "tenon", which is something a carpenter could make with a saw. Plus, the title is kind of like "Shoot First & Ask Questions Later", at least to me. Maybe it's my malaria again.   

       My girlfriend's daughter likes the illustration, too.   

       I'm taking off my fishbone in hopes we can get some more explanation of //all ideas are a "play on words"//
baconbrain, Jun 01 2006
  

       Lostdog, the rule I follow is:
If the following word *sounds* like it begins with a vowel, then I use "an". So "an illustration" is OK, but "an (very well crafted, by the way) illustration" sounds rank, since you might have just also written something like "an large illustration".
  

       By the way, "an hotel" really grates my ears, unless it is spoken by a Cockney, who would say "an'otel".
Ling, Jun 01 2006
  

       No more saw points...give the cowboy his bun.
100 percent, Jun 01 2006
  

       baconbrain. I refer you to this useful and concise Wikepedia definition of Inferential Role Semantics :   

       "Inferential role semantics is an approach to the theory of meaning heavily influenced by Ludwig Wittgenstein's later philosophy in that it identifies meaning with use. Some versions focus on the representation's role in the mind of the agent while others acknowledge external factors."   

       If you wish to enquire further into the relationship between words/meaning/ language/symbols then I suggest you read both Karl Popper and Ludwig Wittgenstein.   

       For different reasons I also recommend Gödel on the topic of uncertainty.
xenzag, Jun 01 2006
  

       Very final fantasy (see link). If you were indeed one of those cowboy builders (and proud of it), that Smith & Tenon pic would be a great logo.
kuupuuluu, Jun 01 2006
  

       I'll change my vote if you substitute half-ass for cowboy.   

       Cockney? I had a hell of a time w/ that.
um.. right (I understood about 1 of 3 words & we speak the same frickin' language!!!)
  

       Guess what? Don't learn to understand Cockney. Every person you'll ever meet for the rest of your life (discluding your own family) will think it's a great game to guess where you're from. I think the accent's viral.
Zimmy, Jun 07 2006
  

       See updated illustration on tumblr - one of my earliest postings here....
xenzag, May 18 2018
  

       I dunno what a cowboy builder would do with a gun, except perhaps to threaten a granny to get her to hand over her life savings in exchange for a couple of hastily fitted tiles.   

       [+1] for the principle, though: //What is required are a set of tools appropriate to the needs of the cowboy builder// made me laugh about as hard as the halfbakery ever has.   

       So, a few quick thoughts:   

       Expanded Polystyrene Hard Hat. Won't protect you from anything, but it's cheap, light and disposable, and makes you look important. As an added bonus, it increases your chances of clonking your head on a low doorframe, possibly prompting some sympathy and a cup of tea from the little old dear you're trying to rip off.   

       500W Diesel Noise and Fume Generator. Set it up in the driveway and start it up; run a bit of orange nylon rope from it up to the work area. Cheaper and safer than a normal generator due to the lack of any awkward electrics, but again, the mark won't notice this. The "Deluxe" model can be programmed to sputter to a halt after a set number of hours, giving you a pre-arranged excuse to drive off for more fuel.   

       Matryoshka Paint Tins. A set of empty paint tins, complete with dribbles down the side, that nest perfectly inside each other so as to take up minimal space in the shed; however when unpacked and spread about in the back of your van, can easily make you look far more professional than you really are.   

       Brick-coloured Crack Filler Spray. Accidentally overloaded a structural wall and cracked it away from the main body of the building? No worries! Just fill the crack with this spray, and the husband won't notice for at least a few days - by which time you'll have safely gone out of business, cancelled your phone and credit cards, sold your van etc.
Wrongfellow, May 18 2018
  

       These are all worthy additions for the cowboy builder.
xenzag, May 18 2018
  
      
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