Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Screaming Computer

Instead of just scolding you like you're a little kid
  (+8, -1)
(+8, -1)
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For instance, if you pull out that usb drive before it's been properly ejected from the desktop, instead of browbeating you: "You've removed the USB drive improperly. Improper ejecting of USB drive may result in loss of data and damage to the disk as well as corruption of files."

it'll just scream.

Same if you shut it down improperly, back up to an external drive without external power connected etc. In additions to screams, various moans, gasps of pain and other histrionics would let you know you're a sucky computer owner.

My computers evidently think they're horribly put upon by having ended up with a directions ignoring thug like me, so they might as well sound like the tortured entities they are.

doctorremulac3, May 11 2011


       How about an STFU computer? I do what I want, and the computer shuts the **** up.
DIYMatt, May 11 2011

       Johnny are you watching porn in there?
No, I'm just a very proficient user!
rcarty, May 11 2011

       There could also be a touch sensitive pad on the side so you can slap the computer when it gets really hysterical to abort the "screaming program". Like in old movies where the out of control person's head stays in the position it was slapped into and they immediately stop ranting, as if getting physically assaulted has some kind of soothing effect. The monitor similarly would twist to the side and stop it's cryin'.   

       This wouldn't be the misogynist, "strong pimp- hand bitch slap". More the old movie, guy on the crashing airplane loosing it "Snap out of it man!" slap some sense into the guy slap.   

       The "Thanks, I needed that" kind of slap if you will.
doctorremulac3, May 11 2011

       This can be set of very easily in the control panel of most Windows PCs. Control Panel --> sounds and audio devices --> sounds -->create new sound scheme.
rcarty, May 11 2011

       [-] - this idea promotes entirely the wrong attitude, that your computer is always right and should be allowed to intimidate you. Instead, the on-screen message about removing the USB drive incorrectly and warning that this may lead to data loss should be in a dialog box where one of the buttons reads "No it won't, you stupid machine - or at least it wouldn't if you did your job properly." - clicking this button will allow you to show the machine who's boss.
hippo, May 12 2011

       If I make a mistake, I just scream myself.
xandram, May 12 2011

       If this were the case my computer might as well have been made by Edvard Munch.   


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