The chief of MaxCo industries has not been having a festive time
this
year, as he has been frustrated by problems with his nuts.
Hazelnuts are all well and good, and can generally be opened in
such
a way as the leave the nut satisfyingly intact. Almonds are a little
trickier, but generally
doable. Opening walnuts without mangling
the meat is a tremendous challenge, which is why the Americans
invented pecans as a sort of "training walnut". Brazil nuts are a
gamble - some just leap out of their shells in one piece, whereas
others cling to every shell-shard and can only be retrieved in
dismembered fragments.
Many nut-cracking weapons have been devised to ease the process,
but none is entirely satisfactory. Regardless of the nut and
nutcracker in question, the shelling process is tedious, interrupts
the
flow of food, and gets in the way of instant gratification.
Obviously,
one could buy packets of shelled nuts, but somehow this seems
wrong.
Fortunately, those ingenious chappies at MaxCo have addressed
the
concerns of their Glorious Leader. Nut-shelling problems begone!
Away with nut-extraction-related frustration! Nut-meat
fragmentation woes away!
The MaxCo Nutter Mark II (which is totally unlike the Nutter Mark
I,
for which the lawsuits are almost resolved and, in any case, were
entirely malicious) comes in a sleek, elegant packing crate.
Simply
connect the three-stage compressor to any convenient source of
petrol, attach the NutMatic chamber, check all safety valves and
connections, and you're ready for a nut-based pleasurefest.
First, place your nuts (up to 3kg total; contents may settle) in the
NutMatic chamber, and screw down the lid. Close the clamping
ring,
lock the T-Bar, engage interlocks, screw down pressure-rings A
and
B, ensure pin C is fully engaged, and close the safety cover.
Switch on the compressor, and ensure that the pressure on the
NutMatic guage rises steadily to about 150 atmospheres, at which
point it should stabilise.
Set the NutMatic timer to 4 hours (for almonds or brazil nuts), or
12
hours (for hazelnuts, walnuts, pecans), and wait for equilibration
to
take place.
At the end of the allotted time, raise the safety-cover from the
large
red button marked "Sudden Pressure Release". Place ear
protectors
over ears. Press button.
In under second, the pressure in the NutMatic chamber will be
released, leaving each intact nut full of 150 atmospheres of air
pressure in its meat/shell space. In a further 1-2 milliseconds,
each
nut will burst with a satisfyingly loud crack, simultaneously
shedding
several sharp shell shards successively.
Leave the NutMatic chamber closed for a further 4-12 hours, to
ensure that any unopened nuts have depressurized fully.
Suitable for walnuts, pecans, almonds, Brazil nuts and Macadamia
nuts. Not suitable for children.