Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Self Medication Chocolate Ice Cream

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MaxCo. is very excited to have spotted a much-needed gap in the ice cream market.

It has been brought to our attention that large tubs of chocolate ice cream are used in an off-label context by people who have suffered some grievous setback in life. Apparently, the solution to many of life's woes is to sit in front of the television, with a tub of the aforesaid ice cream and a spoon.

Quite how this works is not clear to us here at MaxCo., but we have noticed that the available brands of ice cream generally have names which are completely at odds with the situation they are intended to alleviate. "Ben and Jerry's" sounds indelicately cheerful and up-beat (and what happens if you've just been jilted by someone called Ben or Jerry??). "Carte d'Or" promises (to those gifted with a little knowledge of french) riches and joy totally at odds with the misery of the couch-dweller. And who the fuck is Håagen Dazs, and why does he spell his name in that stupid way?

MaxCo. is therefore launching its vast range of ice creams. All of them are chocolate. All of them are exactly the same. Except the names. You can now buy a half-gallon tub of "I'm Better Off Without The Bastard With Chocolate Chips", or dive into a bucket of "She's Welcome To Him And I Hope She Catches Something With Brazilian Cocoa". Men can get elbow- deep into "If She's So Fussed About Remembering Birthdays I'm Better Off Alone With Plain Chocolate Chunks", get to the bottom of a barrel of "Ikea Clearly Left A Fucking Part Out Soft Scoop" or immerse themselves in "I'll Show Them Who's A Fat Bastard And Maltesers".

Available only at the best stores everywhere.

MaxwellBuchanan, May 13 2018

Happy Pils Happy_20Pils
Ideal beverage [8th of 7, May 14 2018]

[link]






       [+] [M-F-D naming]
Voice, May 13 2018
  

       [+]   

       You still need a brand name even if you've got 50 names for chocolate flavour.   

       For a brand, you could go for "My bucket". And why restrict to one flavour ? e.g. "My bucket of Raspberry Rift with FU sprinkles".
bigsleep, May 13 2018
  

       [+] This idea could be picked up by Ronseal, of "Does exactly what it says on the side of the tin" renown, albeit more a case of "Eat in order to deal with a specific topic of remorse", so in some respect, more like one of those evil Greetings Cards shops. Perhaps next to the rows of gaudy and morose shelving in one of these shops, there could also be a freezer cabinet, offering gift ice-creams to be presented (perhaps to oneself) at times of specific enturbulence, or montage-inducing stress.
zen_tom, May 14 2018
  

       //You still need a brand name// We were thinking of "I Scream". We were going to go with "iScream", but we ran into legal issues.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 14 2018
  

       It doesn't come with a dosage of melatonin, dopamine, tryptophan, and tetrahydrocannabinol?
RayfordSteele, May 14 2018
  

       No, but it has the expected amounts of theobromine and caffeine.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 14 2018
  

       Unexpected amounts would probably be more beneficial.   

       Also, <link>.
8th of 7, May 14 2018
  

       //we ran into legal issues.//   

       Just crush them with your wallet
Voice, May 14 2018
  

       Watermelancholy flavour.
AusCan531, May 14 2018
  
      
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