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Slap-Hat
Even with 4 empty beds in the house, I STILL fall asleep on the sofa. | |
You know what it's like. You make it back to your neighbourhood after a big night out with work colleagues, alcohol steaming off you in the crisp night air, buy a couple of bottles of wine and a pack of fags from the dodgy corner shop selling out of hours, stumble through your doorway and with the utmost
genuine intention, attempt to watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy.
The inevitable occurs. You wake to the never-ending dirge of the DVD's looping Title Screen, a throbbing pain in your spine as you uncurl yourself from the unforgiving contours of the sofa. How could you have let this happen? You have the comfiest, warmest, cosiest bed upstairs that's just begging to be slept in but no. No, it's back to the chairopractor for you.
The simply named "Slap-Hat" does exactly what it says on the hat. Upon drifting off, the slap hat detects your brain's drop in activity and a fly-swat connected to a pully on the hat delivers a swift sharp blow to the face, thus rendering you thoroughly awake.
The "Slap-Hat" can also be used by airline pilots, unattentive husbands, truckers, and every one of us that has fallen asleep at their desk.
The "Slap Someone Else-Hat"
http://www.flatbill..._04_01_archive.html
This is how I market the Slap-Hat to 'Flatbillers' and other persons of the 'hipperty-hop' persuasion. [theleopard, Aug 15 2007]
[link]
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not a hat to hide under until you've put your makeup on then? |
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Hm... when I was in the military, we tied knives under our chins to keep our heads from drooping. I think I like this better. One problem, though: |
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//the slap hat detects your brain's drop in activity// |
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Sleeping doesn't result in a drop in brain activity, if I remember right. Dreaming, if anything, results in increased mental activity. I'm bunning this because I like the concept, but can somebody tell me if the theory is sound? |
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//we tied knives under our chins to keep our heads from drooping.// You could have tried a balloon. |
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Maybe not the broad term 'brain activity' but the hat would contain sensors to pick up, I don't know, something that denotes sleeping. |
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there are sensors that pick up on drooping heads while driving. |
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//there are sensors that pick up on
drooping heads while driving// |
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Do they slap you in the face? |
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No, but many places will not sell them or the batteries because they encourage truckers to drive past their safe limits. |
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That's very true. I saw a sign at several rest stops while traversing the country when I moved from Florida to Washington saying you should have 12 hours of rest for 8 hours of driving. Anything beyond that you really should pull over. But this has many uses beyond simply driving, so I'm bunning it. |
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That could be really annoying if you weren't actually falling asleep yet. You're all into the movie, and then your hat slaps you in the face. |
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I think borrowing the truck-driver technology is best. If I recall recorrectly, it measures how long your eyes stay closed when you blink. Otherwise, you could get slapped for looking for the popcorn you just dropped on your shirt. |
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//looking for the popcorn you just dropped on your shirt// |
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That's a good idea actually. You could wear this hat in the cinema when watching Peter Jackson films. |
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The startled cries of the wearer would add entertainment for the other movie-goers, especially since they would be emitted during the slowest parts of the movie. |
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"Look there, Jenny." [The sound of the surf breaking on rocks.] "Isn't it beautiful, Jenny? Just like you. Your eyes are like the ocean, Jenny--deep and wild, flecked with islands of glimmering bright beauty." |
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//somebody tell me if the theory is sound// |
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Brainwave patterns do change when we are sleeping. They also change during different sleep states. It is perfectly possible to detect if someone is asleep, and what sleep state they are in using this method. It is also possible to detect if you are drunk as well. |
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Just attach a knife to a Bob Dylan-style harmonica-round-the-neck thingy so that when your chin drops onto your chest, you are woken by a fatal self-imposed wound. The possibility of death from doziness should keep you awake, nes'tpas (I'm adopting shinobi's version of French as in the "kill killers as many times as they've killed idea)) mo'n am'i. You could call it the Self-harm Onica. |
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