Before I joined here, in fact long before I ever knew of the Halfbakery, there was Sorta Claus. I do hope I am not treading on an ancient tradition by picking up the torch, but it is Christmas eve and there is nowhere I would rather be than among the croissants and the fishbones, resurrecting the patron
saint of pastry.
"In his day job, hes known as Father Nick. Hes a cardinal, so he wears a red suit, but is only half-way to sainthood. (Which makes him a half-saint Nick)
Father Nick aspires to sainthood but has so far been held back by the ignominy of his brief televangelism career and the unexplained appearance of his image in a suspicious stain on a pew at the Church of No Pants. Until sainthood is achieved, he moonlights as
We know that Sorta Claus has returned, because beneath the Halfbakery Christmas tree we find:
For 2 fries shy of a happy meal: a "Flying Dream Aerial Waterway" big enough to accommodate the S.S. Sea Threw
For 21_Quest: the "Fishbone Magnet" will help recover some of your lost votes, but see what happens if you put the batteries in backwards
For 4and20: while your spider trawls away, read from this book of "Disaster Poetry"
For 8th of 7: you will find many uses for your new "Universal Axe"
For absterge: an ergonomic "Variable Mass Mouse" to complement your supine keyboard
For AngelEleven: clear some space in your workplace, for soon a "Crowd-sourced vending machine" will arrive
For Aq_Bi: don't tell anyone about your new "Secret Hat" -- a blinking mannequin can wear it while your nails are being polished
For AusCan531: endless assaulted jokes are possible when you fire your new "Pump-Action Salt-Gun" at people
For bigsleep: tickets to a recording of "Iron Swedish Chef"
For blissmiss: wear your new "Visible Panty Line Cord" with pride, it may even be magnetic
For briancady413: from the random bag, although it's not quite salmon, "Ham On A Roll"
For bs0u0155: "Edible Post-it Notes" so you needn't worry if they do end up in your tea
For bungston: the velour in your stocking turns out to be "Swiffer Pants"
For calum: a poster of Wallace and Gromit, but technology from "Latent etiolation messages" reveals shemale elves
For Cuit_au_Four: to fill your Blow Globe, "Fair Trade Cocaine"
For daddyvortex: from the random bag, a gorgeous roll of "B52 Chicken Wire"
For dentworth: it's a card announcing your initiation into the "single-user social network"
For Dignium: from the random bag, "Edible Soap" -- just don't eat it all at once
For doctorremulac3: if anyone has the musical talent to pull off "Bagpipe Breast Implants", it's you
For DrBob: I'm sure you'll be delighted with a pair of "Super Baggy Trousers" for every member of your subversive boy band
For evilpenguin: "The "Ring-Ring" hands-free"
For FlyingToaster: whether you have room for it or not, you are now the owner of a "Giant Spitfire"
For friendlyfire: a printed copy of the "Halfbaker's Limerick Challenge"
For Gordon Comstock: never hesitate to hoover naked again, the "vacuum cleaner cam" is yours
For guncandy: Sorta Claus was certain that a plaster's hawk ipad once existed, but a "Large Widescreen SmartPhone" will have to do
For hippo: a "Mortal Terror Alarm Clock" might perfectly complement the melancholic maple tree
For Ian Tindale: your tree may blow over in the downdraft of the vtol "Flying Super-Synthesizer"
For Inyuki: from the random bag, and a perfect stocking filler, "Paperclip USB Drive"
For ixnaum: a "Roaming Goldfish Bowl" for your trained fish
For JesusHChrist: as the most prolific baker of 2015, no one is more entitled to a "Halfbaker's Pride Shirt" (and, as a bonus, "croissant-patterned knickers")
For jurist: A flask of soup from the "Ballistic Delivery Service" so at least the temperature should not be a problem.
For kevinthenerd: from the random bag, "Strike Anywhere $100 Bills"
For LimpNotes: from the random bag, the perfect fashion accessory, a "Bayeux Scarf"
For Ling: this "Sponge Pump" may be mysterious in its operation, but at least it is unlikely to damage any nuts that end up in it
For Loris: the other bakers will ooze with envy as you unwrap a genuine "Helm of Fuþark"
For lurch: from the random bag, a quality roll of "Prank Tape"
For MaxwellBuchanan: Sorta Claus expects the Buchanan estate to extend the north-east wing to house a museum of your new complete collection of "Celebrity Shrunken Heads"
For MechE: a "Cargo Container Heater" ready for conversion to solar power
For miggavin: from the random bag, an "Edible Hat"
For mofosyne: these "Knee lights" may not have any effect on knee-jerk reactions, but at least they will light your way in the dark
For neutrinos_shadow: since you are forced to wear one, a "Pirate Hat Bike Helmet"
For nineteenthly: Sorta Claus knows how hot you will be in a "Flash Paper Dress"
For normzone: an entire "Mobile Overpass" is yours, being the highest rated idea in other:general
For not_morrison_rm: you get "Two Cups Of Coffee" so you can skip the first if the Holmesian paranoia returns
For notexactly: from the random bag, "Bicycle-Mounted Automatic Cursive Chalk Writer"
For pashute: a real honour, for one of the greatest ideas ever posted is in your stocking -- the "EZBakery"
For pertinax: a puppy is not just for Christmas, but the "In-Mall Puppy Massage" can be
For piluso: from the random bag, and Sorta hopes you have a briefcase, for you now possess your own "Briefcase legs"
For po: the "Changing tone key click" might be of use when you are under the influence
For pocmloc: you may not fully approve, but here's your own pair of "Bagpipe Pants"
For popbottle: an entire "Slow food vending machine" but beware, it may have rcarty's modification
For RayfordSteele: "CCTV Help Call Sign" but will the eye of Sauron take any notice?
For reensure: from the random bag, although how exactly it would ever fit in a bag is unclear, a "Merry Patio"
For RickRantilla: from the random bag, a "Retro Cell Phone"
For scad mientist: Sorta Claus thinks you will like an "Extreme Thermos"
For Sgt Teacup: after an extended hibernation, you may find the "Guide to Rebuilding Society" useful
For slovakmartin: to counter the effects of your no-tear gas, you will need to play "Grand Theft Auto: Erectile Dysfunction"
For Spacecoyote: from the random bag, "Edible Russian Dolls"
For Steamboat: "Shopping Trolley-Scooter combo" and be sure to fit your horn to it
For Sunstone: rather than yelling and screaming, today you can try the "non-verbal programming language"
For tatterdemalion: A set of "Printed/patterned seatbelts" to match, in the same stocking, a set of printed/patterned shirts
For the porpoise: Sorta is hesitant to leave a placebo gift, but a "Placebo with plausible side effects" could do it
For theircompetitor: as one of the few who may appreciate it, "anti adblock"
For Toto Anders: Sorta Claus is a little embarrassed leaving you a Can-o-Spunk, but it's what you asked for...
For travbm: Custard "Typing Gloves", which solidify if your ideas are posted too quickly, to channel your admirable enthusiasm into more thoughtful posts
For Vernon: for those extra long ideas, a "4-handed typewriter"
For vfrackis: please enjoy your tub of "Vagina-Jam" in a wholesome way
For Voice: a bag of "Continental Crackers"
For WcW: a "Klein Bottle Blender" which should be impossible to reach inside.
For whatrock: from the random bag, a "Washing Machine Lava Lamp"
For wjt: from the random bag, a seasonal "sputnik tree ornament"
For Wrongfellow: from the random bag, several rolls of "Creepy Carpet"
For xandram: a "Non-stop Marshmallow" tube to accompany your grill hat
For xaviergisz: get even further into the corners with this "Laser Lawnmower"
For xenzag: Sorta Claus hopes you do not already have an "Eggsploder" in your kitchen
For ytk: this "EULA Scanner" may come in handy
For zen_tom: an entire set of "Lovecraftian Table Settings"
Sorta Claus has tried to visit every baker who has posted in the last month, but his view-fu is not what it once was. To anyone omitted, know that you are not forgotten. To every Halfbaker out there, sincerest wishes of peace, happiness and success.