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Spill, baby, spill.

A possible solution for the oil gusher below the Gulf of Mexico.
 
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First, saw the end of the pipe to make it flush. Make a jig to fit over the pipe. On top of the jig, a threading tap is mounted inside a bearing which allows the tap to turn. The bearing is attached to vertical supports that have grooves down which the bearing, and the tap, can slide. The robot arm will operate the tap to make internal threads in the pipe. The flutes in the tap will allow sufficient oil to escape to enable the tapping operation to take place against the preassure. A steel cap to fit over the pipe will be already welded onto the shank of the tap so that the tap can be used as the plug, instead of removing the tap, then screwing in a plug. I don't know if this would work. Perhaps someone can tell me why it wouldn't.
tonybe, Jun 03 2010

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       <mumble> diving suit with a plumbers crack </mumble>
FlyingToaster, Jun 03 2010
  

       I think the great depths at which they’re trying to fix it are what is causing the problems. First, bring the broken pipeline up to sea level and work on it there.
Ian Tindale, Jun 03 2010
  

       That's back to front [Ian], they should simply empty the ocean instead.
pocmloc, Jun 03 2010
  

       Or better still, fix it on the moon, where there isn’t as much water.
Ian Tindale, Jun 03 2010
  

       Has nobody thought of preventing the spill by stopping the explosion on the rig, in the first place?
rcarty, Jun 03 2010
  

       No, no one thought of that.
nomocrow, Jun 03 2010
  

       Well lets quit stalling and stop the explosion before it's too late.
rcarty, Jun 03 2010
  

       What about not bothering to fix it at all, but build an oil-powered generator that fits sort of nearish and around-ish the leak, so that instead of lots of oil floating around the place, you get lots of electricity floating around the place instead. That should be easier to clean up, using magnets.
Ian Tindale, Jun 03 2010
  

       <Hannibal Smith>   

       "I love it when a plan comes together ..."   

       </Hannibal Smith>
8th of 7, Jun 03 2010
  

       The CEO of BP should just dip a glass into the ocean, take a sip in front of the international media, smile broadly, and declare the water "clean and refreshing".   

       Also wouldn't everyone in the world want a litre bottle of contaminated seawater as a souvenier from this terrific catastrophy?
rcarty, Jun 03 2010
  

       Only if there were little oily dead fish floaters in it.
daseva, Jun 03 2010
  
      
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