Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Stock Certificate Clothing

New use for worthless paper
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I read that during the 1930’s great depression, stocks certificates were used to paper walls in homes as insulation. But, since the great depression advances in the technology of home insulation provide even better materials than worthless stock certificates for home insulation.

Recently, due to un-regulated ruthless bankers and the un-ethical corporate greed industry, ordinary people having their meager savings and pensions in banks and the stock markets are now left with worthless bank-deposit receipts and worthless stock certificates, facing a bleak future of high inflation and devaluation of any cash we forgot to give to the market. The paper is of high quality, with well-drawn and artful figures with high-class signatures.

The question is how to best use the beautiful but now worthless bank deposit receipts and stock certificates in a useful and environmentally carbon neutral manner, ie without burning them in frustration and anger of our government officials feeding us to deregulated thieves having ornate offices in large buildings in centers of large cities.

What I propose here is to use the receipts and certificates as clothing material, that is arranging these in a fanciful or ornate pattern on a flat surface, then sew together to create a bolt-size material. Then carefully draw the outline of clothing patterns, easily obtained from any fabric and supply store. Then carefully cut out the pieces following the instructions of the pattern envelope and finally sew the cut-pieces together.

The resulting clothing when worn in public will demonstrate how wealthy you were before the 2008 melt-down, perhaps impressing friends and potential mates with your cleverness and how trusting you were of impressive-sounding names of various but now dissolved banks and former investment advisors.

el dueno.

el dueno, Oct 15 2008

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       You're a strange one...
Voice, Oct 15 2008
  

       I have heard rumours of internet-bubblistas, post crash, using their share certificates as toilet paper. Clothing is slightly more sustainable I suppose, if a little itchy.
zen_tom, Oct 15 2008
  

       The running joke at one of my previous places of employments - which, to its credit, still exists - was to ask for your shares in 2-ply.
jutta, Oct 15 2008
  

       From the US crash in 27’, they are still finding what were thought to be worthless stock stacked in attics. Some of the stock is from companies who went bankrupt but the stock owners didn’t realize that the company stock was bought up at rock bottom prices by a surviving company. IBM was one of those surviving companies.   

       A common story (joke?) is about a stock broker who discovered millions when he or she used the toilet of someone who thought they had lost a bundle in the market. They had used the impressive looking stock for wall paper. Thus, it is possible (using your technique) that someone will create a million dollar dress!
CwP, Oct 15 2008
  

       //From the US crash in 27’//
Was that a lesser one than the one in '29?
coprocephalous, Oct 15 2008
  

       Here, here. Send those "useless" certificates to me. I'll pass them down a generation or two and my grandkids can sell them on eBay.
phoenix, Oct 15 2008
  

       My bad. '29.
CwP, Oct 15 2008
  

       Please [jutta], no more wisecracks.
4whom, Oct 15 2008
  

       A similar thing can be seen in the British tv series 'Black Books'. Rather than do his tax, Bernard Black makes all his tax papers into a 'rather smart, casual jacket'. It does look nice though.
penguin_tummy, Oct 16 2008
  

       Screw these Brits. Understand where you're coming from. +
MauiChuck, Oct 16 2008
  
      
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