Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Strawberry Deseeder

Yet another device to go on the silver tea tray of life.
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The clink of teacups, the gentle rustle of crinolines, the thwack of willow on linen... ah, summer. However, for some, this idyll is spoiled by Mother Nature, who in her infinite wisdom added pips - pips! - to strawberries. Apparently, this is not to everyone's taste. I was alerted to this because my boss at work is one of them - apparently, it's the feeling of them between your teeth. And yet, to date nobody has developed either (a) a pipless strawberry, or (b) a device for removing the pips.

This is intolerable. What has Civilisation been doing with its time, for goodness' sake? Frittering it, that's what. Putting some eedjet on the moon, apparently, when we have perfectly good cheese right here, next to the paté.

Therefore, I suggest the following. A small, cylindrical frame is made - preferably of sterling silver, to go with the scone knife and the waiter spanker. This has a small silver dish in the bottom, surmounted by a silver mesh bowl (half of one of those tea strainer balls should do). At the very top of the device is a small mesh trampoline, made of a fine lace netting (preferably of Catalan manufacture - a far superior product). Immediately prior to partaking of the strawberry, one places it into the miniature trampoline net and holds it, leaves uppermost. A few brisk twists grates the surface off the strawberry, taking with it the pips, which fall through the netting and are captured in the silver mesh bowl. The juice collects in the bottom dish, to be added to Cook's gin in the kitchen later.

One can then partake of the freshly deseeded fruit.

moomintroll, Jul 16 2007

Or one can use a laser. Laser_20Based_20Str..._20Editing_20System
[moomintroll, Jul 16 2007]

[link]






       [thwack of willow on linen]   

       ooh err!   

       + anyway
DenholmRicshaw, Jul 16 2007
  

       don't you have a flunky to pick them out individually with tweezers?
po, Jul 16 2007
  

       Makes me proud to be British
miasere, Jul 16 2007
  

       They've done it with grapes and bananas - what's so difficult about breeding seedless strawbs?
Karnuvap, Jul 16 2007
  

       yes, lovely idea. But if your strawb loses its balance and tips over the tramp and lands exfoliated side down in the bowl of seeds. Oh then what shall we do?   

       ps. eat the seeds moomy, you need the fibre.
dentworth, Jul 16 2007
  

       //eat the seeds moomy, you need the fibre//   

       you know it! ;) I _always_ eat the seeds. Personally, I think it's a fundamental part of the experience. But there are these strange people... like the ones who prefer no bits of peel in their marmalade... weird. Marmalade should have big chunky bits of peel in it - there's no point otherwise.
moomintroll, Jul 16 2007
  

       I'm really not comfortable sharing a web page with someone who serves cheese along with paté.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 16 2007
  

       mmmm...pate and pickle sandwiches
miasere, Jul 16 2007
  

       How could you, [miasere]. You're beastly.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 16 2007
  

       What's next? A depilatory for hirsute raspberries?
reensure, Jul 17 2007
  

       That'd be silly. Just use the one for gooseberries.
Ian Tindale, Jul 17 2007
  

       Insofar as denaturing goes, fruit in a bottle was the first handful of dirt in the face of natural fruit anyway you slice it.
reensure, Jul 17 2007
  

       No, slicing fruit is the first handful of dirt, you are just supposed to stuff it whole into your dirty maw. Did $DEITY provide silverware in the $MYTHICAL_ORIGIN_PLACE? No. Just stop slicing your grapes, it makes baby $ALTERNATE_DEITY cry.
Galbinus_Caeli, Jul 17 2007
  

       Galbinus_Caeli, you have made a mistake. Those constants should be variables unless we have one unified outlook on all religions, or you are poluting the namespace.
Voice, Jul 18 2007
  
      
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