Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Suit'o'chute

Inspired by Parachutist Flypaper [link]
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The ability of a parachute to slow a descending object is determined by it's surface area creating drag due to air resistance... but does it all need to be spread over a minimally horizontal area?

I think not.

When your main chute fails, and your secondary chute fails, it should still be possible to cut those chutes away and use the fabric of your flight-suit to slow your descent to a less than fatal speed.

Once the secondary chute has been ejected a small drogue-chute alongside your left ankle deploys. You assume the right-leg-cocked position they showed you in the video as your suit begins to rapidly unravel one wrap at a time up your left leg.
Every eight inches or so contains another small drogue-chute causing no small amount of chafing as the suit unwinds towards your crotch where you must time the switch between left and right cocked legs precisely or that chaffing will be much more intense as the unravelling of your suit increases in speed.
Now both of your legs have unravelled and the wraps around your torso are about to un-do.
You really shouldn't have had that burrito at lunch but it's too late now.
Every new eight inches of cord to unwind contains another small chute causing you to spin at a higher and higher rate until that burrito exits with an impressive arc, which splatters you not one bit, so that's a plus, but now it's time for your arms.

Although the system is designed to function even if you are unconscious, certain maneuvers are optimal to ensure that your shoulders are not popped from their sockets as the arm un-spooling segment of the procedure begins.

When your suit has finally finished unravelling you will be hanging naked, (if you jumped commando), from wrist straps attached to a no longer existent flight-suit/drogue-chute kite at a rate of descent similar to that of your original parachute.

After touch-down you might consider laying off the Mexican food before your next jump.

...or not.
I mean I'm not judging but, just because you didn't splatter burrito all over yourself doesn't mean that you didn't rain Montezuma's revenge down all over the ground crew that will be in control of the pain meds for your broken ankle, but hey, that's your call.


Parachutist Flypaper Parachutist_20_22Flypaper_22
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Aug 19 2017]

[link]






       // at a rate of descent similar to that of your original parachute. //   

       "Similar".   

       Nice deployment of Weasel Words there, [2fries]. Is that "similar" as in "+/- 10%" or "similar" as in "still subsonic" ... ?   

       And no, you can't hire any of our testers. At least, not until we can recruit some more , you can't.
8th of 7, Aug 20 2017
  

       I think "chafing" is meant. But there could also be chaffing, to add insult to injury.
pertinax, Aug 21 2017
  

       heh thanks. Fixed.   

       // "similar" as in "+/- 10%" or "similar" as in "still subsonic" ... ?//   

       I was thinking that it would be possible to match the air resistance of the original chute pretty closely but the suit would weigh quite a bit.   
      
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