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Swiss Army Gun

Everything you always wanted in a gun...and more.
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How many times have you shot a complete stranger and needed to quickly clean some nasty DNA evidence out from under your fingernails? Have you ever been holed up, in an old cabin, in the woods, after robbing a bank, only to find you have sixteen cans of beans, but no way to open them? Ever need to hotwire a car after robbing a convenience store but found you forgot your wire cutters? Well these problems are a thing of the past with our new Swiss Army Handgun! It slices, it dices, it murders and maims. It will even help in your getaway...and all in one convenient, easy to carry design. All of our handguns come complete with: Spoon, fork, 3 knives, 2 screwdrivers (regular and phillips), can opener, awl, toothpick, corkscrew, minisaw, wire cutters, compass and magnifying glass. In six different calibers and colors! Good fun for the gangland kids and a great gift for Dad on father's day.
Reverend D, Jun 02 2001

modern gun/knife combo http://www.autoweap...hotosv/gradbay.html
note that this is a class 3 weapon, requiring extensive paper work, a difficult to pass screening process, and a transfer tax. (Violation of these rules results in a 10 year sentance, and $250,000 in fines.) [youngsmith, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

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       Double shot of whiskey and a pot pipe with matches and private stash
thumbwax, Jun 02 2001
  

       All this and much more will be added in the "New and Improved" (can someone please explain how something can be both "NEW" and "IMPROVED" at the same time) Super Spy Marble Shooting Religious Candy Double Bowl (with stash) Drunken Sailor Swiss Army Gun.
Reverend D, Jun 02 2001
  

       Just be careful about pulling the correct trigger when dispensing the Pez into your hand or mouth...
PotatoStew, Jun 02 2001
  

       Grrr... marketing copy once again mars what could actually be an interesting idea. (It'd make a good pilot's sidearm.)
bookworm, Jun 02 2001
  

       I think it should have an inflatable car as well.
SegFault, Jun 02 2001
  

       Geez.. well-baked is the old Gun-in-the-(insert mundane object here) trick, but this takes that the other way.   

       I can see Maxwell Smart using this to cut himself out of bondage, but not before KAOS finds him:   

       "Ah, ze old sawblade in the gun trick. Very clever."   

       "It just so happens, it also turns into an inflatable get-away car!"   

       "I doubt zat."   

       "Ah. Well, would you believe, a fold-out Moped?"   

       "I don't sink so."   

       "How about a marble dispenser?"   

       etc etc
globaltourniquet, Jun 02 2001
  

       The Golden Gun from the Bond film The Man with the Golden Gun was like a Swiss Army Gun in reverse.   

       It consisted of such items such as a pen and a cigarette lighter, but I can't recall if they worked independently or not.
mrkillboy, Jun 03 2001
  

       Professor Mel Practice has given away his true identity. With that shout of "CURSES" he can only be <dramatic pause>...</dramatic pause> Mojo Jojo! So what's it like being a small green monkey who repeats himself constantly Mel?
CoolerKing, Jun 03 2001
  

       I am always amazed when an inordinary object becomes the basis of a Power Puff Girls episode. Perhaps the bakery should look at the possibilities behind cartoon scripting based on its daily content. On the flip side, I think this weapon would be more appropriate for "The Tick." ----SPOON!----
Reverend D, Jun 05 2001
  

       As a Swiss Army Gun could be rather cumbersome and dangerous to the user, how about a removeable Swiss Army Bayonet, instead? Better yet, duct tape a Swiss Army Knife to your gun.
nick_n_uit, Jun 05 2001
  

       As a Swiss Army Gun could be rather cumbersome and dangerous to the user, how about a removeable Swiss Army Bayonet, instead? Better yet, duct tape a Swiss Army Knife to your gun.   

       CoolerKing: Rasputin also says "CURSES!" a lot, doesn't he?
nick_n_uit, Jun 05 2001
  

       Actually, you may have stumbled on a selling point. If you can't outlaw guns (in the US) at least make them very dangerous to use. Come to think of it, maybe post an idea for the "Dual direction guess what gun." This baby randomly fires from either the front or the rear. Maybe you'll kill them, maybe you'll kill yourself.
Reverend D, Jun 05 2001
  

       You want something like that gun in one of the naked gun films - you know that guy starts with a pistol and keeps adding silencers and stuff until the camera comes back to him and hes got one of those anti tank cannon things. You just have it the other way around - you have to keep removing accesories until you are left with a pistol.
RobertKidney, Jun 05 2001
  

       As it's a Swiss Army Gun it should also take all your money and dispense high-quality chocolate.
hippo, Jun 05 2001
  

       ...and be ridiculously expensive.
DrBob, Jun 05 2001
  

       ...and a Swiss Army Gun wouldn't actually shoot anyone but would firmly declare its neutrality.
hippo, Jun 05 2001
  

       Back off, or I'll *magnify* you to death...
nickpelling, Jun 05 2001
  

       I had a Swiss friend who insisted that the Swiss Army, in which every Swiss boy is required to serve for a time, is very militarily occupied protecting Liechtenstein, thank you very much.   

       (and guarding the Vatican...?)
globaltourniquet, Jun 05 2001
  

       That Vatican Guard is one tough outfit. Too bad about the fruity uniforms though.   

       In re "New and Improved": The implication here is that the very same item not bearing the blurb is "Old and Crappy".   

       Throw in a cuckoo clock and you've got yourself a sale, boy.
The Military, Jun 17 2001
  

       First, let me point out my offense at the implication that guns are only used in criminal activity, when in reality, only a very small percentege (more accurately, a fraction of a percentage) are used in such a manner.   

       On a lighter note, around the turn of the century there was at least one U.S. pattent issued for a pocket knife containing several implements, such as a fish scaler, a can opener, and a rimfire pistol.
youngsmith, Mar 05 2004
  

       Just carry a swiss army knife.
DesertFox, May 04 2004
  

       I remember that old Saturday Night Live skit, too.
BobStCul, Dec 28 2005
  
      
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