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The Death Bauble

Yuletide star-wars laser christmas tree defence system
  (+35, -2)(+35, -2)(+35, -2)
(+35, -2)
  [vote for,
against]

“No! Baaad cat! No! Gerrof! Get DOWN! No, you’ll-”

CRAAAASH!!!!!

Now the christmas tree is on it’s side, baubles and tinsel lie scattered asunder, the water from the reservoir has soaked into the presents and the needles are growing from the carpet. Children are crying, adults are using words they shouldn’t and tranquillity has fled the building. The cat is cowering under the dresser, tail like a bog brush, quivering. Somewhere in the back of his unfathomable cat-brain, underneath the terror and panic, he is planning how he will recreate this chaos after all has been put right.

Night time. The tree stands alone in all it’s glory, the lights casting a glow over the whole room, the decorations glinting seductively. Two eyes appear from around the kitchen door and blink slowly, appraising the tree and measuring the challenge. Then comes the soft, slow padding of paws, as if the tree might run if he approaches too quickly. Then a small whirring sound: a bauble spins round, stops and spins a little more, aligning itself. Facing the cat now is a small slot in the bauble, rising from the bottom to halfway up the side. A faint shaft of red light appears from the bottom of the slot ending in the bright red spot of a laser, glowing on the floor. Another small whirring sound and the spot moves out across the floor stopping in front of the cat’s two front paws, it dances a little as the bauble sways after the movement of the motor. Cat watches intently, ready to pounce. The spot moves left, then right, then left and then darts off behind the cat into the kitchen. Cat follows and hunts.

Ten minutes later the game finishes. The light winks out and the cat wanders out through the cat flap, all thoughts of christmas trees forgotten.

wagster, Dec 12 2004

Laser Pet Toy http://patft.uspto....(TTL/laser+AND+pet)
patented? [csea, Dec 14 2004]

"I'm on it, Red Leader !" http://www.musicman.net/treefire.jpg
Death Bauble design flaw exploited by Jedi cat [normzone, Dec 14 2004]

[link]






       In the control-room of the bauble, a tiny hooded Emperor mutters to himself: "So, Mr Tiddles, you thought you were attacking a defenceless target. Well now witness the firepower of this FULLY ARMED AND OPERATIONAL CHRISTMAS TREE! Mwahaha!"

Wonderful idea, and well written too.
spacemoggy, Dec 12 2004
  

       I'm askin Santa for one.   

       I love cats.
DesertFox, Dec 12 2004
  

       excellant
dentworth, Dec 12 2004
  

       Great anno [space moggy] - this idea really should have been called "The Death Bauble"
DocBrown, Dec 13 2004
  

       I used to play with my cat with a laser pointer. It was Ef-ing hilarious. Even my dog goes after it! He tried to climb our wall once! HAHAHA!
EvilPickels, Dec 13 2004
  

       Correct as usual [DocBrown] - now it is.
wagster, Dec 14 2004
  

       <tiny hooded Emperor>"Everything that has transpired has done so according to MY desire."</thE>
DocBrown, Dec 14 2004
  

       You can use cat/light system to set your cats on peoples legs also.   

       This is a great idea.
harderthanjesus, Dec 14 2004
  

       I'll be noble and won't let my hatred for cats dictate how I vote for this. The idea is a fun one and well written, plus I want a tiny hooded Emperor to help carry out my own wicked agenda to take over the world this holiday season.
Machiavelli, Dec 14 2004
  

       Perhaps the Death Bauble could have a tiny hooded emporer ornament included in the packaging - hang it elsewhere, since he controls it no matter where he is.   

       Or maybe just a man-sized cloak. Either orther.
shapu, Dec 14 2004
  

       Nice. As an added bonus, set the tree up near the fish tank.
Shz, Dec 14 2004
  

       +, but possibly baked. See [link] to US patent.
csea, Dec 14 2004
  

       [csea] - I cannot believe someone has tried to patent winding up pets with a laser pointer. I think I'll patent scratching dogs in the spot that makes them kick their leg.
wagster, Dec 14 2004
  

       Of course, this Death Bauble has a spot that if the cat cleverly leaps up onto the tree and drops a flea into it, will explode, destroying the tree in a terrible fire [link].
normzone, Dec 14 2004
  

       This one has my vote for 'Idea of the Month'.   

       Alternative name "The Unabauble".
ConsulFlaminicus, Dec 14 2004
  

       Hahaha!
DesertFox, Feb 05 2005
  
      
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