Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Almost as great as sliced bread.

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The Electric Shake

Take a little spin to a new kind of freshness!
  (+6, -3)
(+6, -3)
  [vote for,
against]

Before exiting the men's room, don your "Penis Bib" or "Dick Dab" and then step up onto the "Electric Shake." As it spins you faster and faster, powerful "centrifugal" forces draw residual fluids out of you, where they can be disposed of cleanly. You leave the men's room with confidence, knowing you will stay dry.

The Electric Shake is just an electric potter's wheel fitted with a safety harness. For people who would rather swing than stand, a Tarzan rope is hung from an electric ceiling fan.

The Mark II model features a shoulder-high cylindrical enclosure.

Our marketing campaign will include this slogan, scrawled on mensroom walls across the nation:
"No matter how much you jiggle and dance,
You can't prevent that spot on your pants.
But with Electric Shake, the new scientific advance,
The last three drops won't have a chance."

robinism, Dec 28 2004

Penis Bib Penis_20Bib
To be used in conjunction with the Electric Shake [robinism, Dec 28 2004]

Similar but different http://beatleshelp....y/caps/09_pants.jpg
This one works by expanding the molecules. [robinism, Dec 28 2004]

Dickdabs dickdabs
Another brand of Penis Bib [robinism, Dec 28 2004]

Electric slide http://www.wronkiew...hotos/baron/a34.jpg
[normzone, Dec 29 2004]

FarmerJohn turns his attention to the problem of too-small body parts. Home_20Body_20Part_20Extender
Someone kindly provided this link, but for some reason they deleted it. I think its brilliant. [robinism, Dec 30 2004]

Woolen beak-warmers Woolen_20Beak-warmers
Could be used as Dickdabs in a pinch [robinism, Dec 30 2004]

[link]






       Sounds like an erotic amusement park ride, but croissant for the sheer lunacy! (And, um, thanks, but I'll be sticking to manual methods for avoiding embarrassment.)
DrCurry, Dec 28 2004
  

       yes sheer lunacy +
benfrost, Dec 29 2004
  

       I thought this would be a successer to the Electric Slide.
normzone, Dec 29 2004
  

       And if the governor breaks, you could use it to make spin-art. "I thought passing a kidney stone was bad, but passing the whole kidney really hurt!"   

       Would the long-term effect of this device be to lengthen the penis? Forget the urine-draining effect--charge $10 a ride for the stretching.
luxlucet, Dec 29 2004
  

       Please put it in an enclosure for the rest of us.
swamilad, Dec 29 2004
  

       Presumably, luxlucet, you could put some weights in the Penis Bib. Stretchawhazooma! And also Ouch!   

       You get some bread, but swamilad's right. Perhaps a shoulder-height cylindrical enclosure, like a cross between an MRI tube and a urinal...
Trout, Dec 29 2004
  

       Hopefully, wearing a Penis Bib or Dick Dab while using the Electric Shake will prevent projectile pee. But [swamiland's] enclosure might be good, for modesty's sake. And equip it with a public telephone?   

       What if the "Penis Bib" dispenser is empty? In a pinch, one of my "Woolen Beak Warmers" could do the job.   

       [luxlucet], I do expect that regular users of the Electric Shake will experience some change in their dimensions. That is how we get our customers hooked - the longer the urethra, the more fluid is retained, and the greater need for the spin cycle.   

       [normzone], The Electric Shake wasn't intended to be a dance, but I guess it could INSPIRE a dance.
robinism, Dec 30 2004
  
      
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