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Onlookers may stare at your oversize wig, but once the Hairpoon is activated, everyone will want one.
Flick the switch in your lapel and your mega-quiff will part like the red sea, revealing a cannon-like device with a silver grappling hook poking magnificently in the direction of up. Flick the switch
once more and it will fire the grapple, attaching itself (if well aimed) around the bough of a tree, office fixture, streetlight, verandah/patio etc.
All of this must be done with the greatest of haste for in this day and age first impressions are of most importance. Once you are satisfied your Hairpoon is secure, pull a cleverly disguised lever and a motorised winch will pull you quickly into the air with a comical 'zing!' sound - ending with a single bell ring when you reach the top.
All of the components are carefully hidden beneath your leisure suit in a backpack and safety harness that supports and comforts your neck and oversized wig.
This may be of assistance in uncomfortable situations when a hasty exit is required, or you just wish to vent your frustration.
Be careful not to operate if you are walking your dog - unless of course it also has a Hairpoon attachment.
(??) So that's what's in there...
http://www.islanden...og/aascouserset.jpg
[wagster, Oct 10 2005]
the Hairpoon Mega-Quiff
http://www.benfrost...com/HB_hairpoon.htm
my first HB illustration [benfrost, Oct 10 2005]
Brothel creepers
http://www.istockph...rothel_creepers.jpg
[calum, Oct 10 2005]
[link]
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[ben], this one's got me confused. How is the Hairpoon attached to your head and how can it be activated without ripping your scalp off? |
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OK so I did an illustration of this idea. see link |
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Love the illustration [benfrost], very classy. [+] |
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Excellent illustration, [benf]. |
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A thought: the mega quiff wig will require a rope-masking "duck's arse" teddy boy rear. Perhaps, then, the styling could be further extended to incoporate a Teddy Boy square-shouldered jacket (for hising harness straps) and sucker soled leopard skin upper brothel creepers, to facilitate walking about on walls. |
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Oh no! Illustrations from [benfrost]! It just gets better.+ |
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(+) Repunzel, how the hell did you get up there? |
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So, Elvis is bored with the conversation so he harpoons a balcony above, then winches himself up to it and hangs there until he is rescued by the Fire Dept? |
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Have just seen your illustration and hammered the [for] button repeatedly. |
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A clever contraption, whose main purpose is to aid the fighting of crime and to escape embarassing situations in which your secret identity and/or balsheadedness is about to be revealed. (+) |
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I'm afraid that I thought it would be something like this below, when I saw it was a [benfrost] idea: |
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//We've all had a similar experience at some time, thought [benfrost], as he hacked and coughed, trying to hawk up the nasty little hair stuck in the back of his throat. |
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He rolled out of the bed and planted his feet on the floor, still worrying at the offending coil. |
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Once in the bathroom he clipped the Poon Hairpoon to his lower lip and switched it on. He felt the warmth of the lights, as the Poon Hairpoon illuminated the battleground, to acquire its target. |
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A high-pitched whistle flooded his senses then he felt the faint jolt of the launch and the slight scrape as the grapple snagged the target. It dragged across his tongue, then beeped to signal the job was finished. |
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[benfrost] detached the Poon Hairpoon from his lip and examined the catch... It was an absolute beauty... at least three inches long. He dropped it into a bottle and labelled it "MONICA".// |
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I was very surprised to find it was nothing like the foregoing idea. |
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I love that illustration. One Hairpoon'ed croissant for you. |
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I think I'm gonna have to build up my traps for this one. Or get a back brace, or something that would avoid hanging myself by my head. The last time I tried that it wasn't comfortable. |
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OK, that could work. I still fear for my neck but what the hey [+]. |
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I live near the airport, and see fabulous opportunities...but Homeland Security will probably have kittens. *Boom!...zing!...ding! - whoosh!* |
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"326 Heavy to Tower, we seem to be having a few drag problems. Could you please confirm a visual count? It feels like maybe 30 or so halfbakery hitch-hikers on board, over?"
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"Tower to 326 Heavy. Confirm visual count of around 24. Insignia appears to be of [benfrost], [DocBrown], [hidden_truths], [calum], [cromagnon], [2fries], [UnaBubba], [wagster], [shapu], [jellydoughnut], [Desert Fox], [elhigh] and a number of other, as yet unidentified, individuals. |
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Confirm your fuel status and hull integrity, over." |
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"Tower, 326 Heavy. Sufficient fuel for Sydney to Honolulu non-stop, allowing for max 30 freeloaders. No hull problems noted. Over." |
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"Tower to 326 Heavy. Roger that, safe, speedy trip. Over." |
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this so reminds me of the latest foster's ad - have you seen it? |
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it's winner, especially in Las Vegas where
such a splendid quiff would not look out of
place. |
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Ben, mate, top illustration too... it *made*
the idea. More maybe? |
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Just let me grab my towel and we're off. |
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bun purely for the illustration [+] |
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I love that illustration. But I have to say I am glad you didn't illustrate all your ideas (particularly the Food: Genital ones.) |
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//Homeland Security will probably have kittens// |
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Adorable Homeland Security kittens: free to good home. You won't know they're there. |
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I gave you a bun for the name alone. I had a look at your drawing and wished I could give you another. |
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