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The Pangs Of Aphasia
Victorian novel where all the female characters are named after medical conditions and procedures. | |
Some suggested lines:
"Awake, Anasthaesia dearest, Awake!"
"I am afraid Listeria is feeling a little unwell after lunch, and has retired, Mr Bulstrode."
`Captain Danvers fell to his knees: "But Myopia! Can you not see what you mean to me!"'
Septicaemia's blood ran hot when Sturgess
appeared at the gate.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
http://www.amazon.c...026-3121374-9746018
As we will all remember from our childhoods, there is a character in this book called Verruca Salt. [hippo, Sep 12 2000, last modified Oct 21 2004]
Mrs Malaprop
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malapropism
Curriculum Vitriol [reensure, Sep 12 2000, last modified Jan 19 2007]
Hercules Returns
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107103/
Movie where all of the greek characters have medical names [tenhand, Sep 12 2000, last modified Oct 21 2004]
The official Asterix site (in French)
http://www..asterix.tm.fr/
A world full of people whose names are puns. [DrBob, Sep 12 2000, last modified Oct 21 2004]
Angels & Insects
http://www.amazon.c...103-7332452-1198245
A Victorian story where all the female characters are (essentially) insects: Bees, Ants, Butterflies, etc. [slacy, Feb 09 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]
Aptronym
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aptronym
The technical name for this technique [csea, Oct 02 2006]
[link]
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Chlamydia longed to become part of him, to spread through him like an infection, an inflammation, if you will, of the pelvis and reproductive organs which, if left untreated, could cause infertility. |
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Sadly for Chlamydia, Gonnorrhoea had got to him first.
Her unrequited love forced her to turn for comfort and solace to Colonel Syphilis, an untrustworthy cad of the first order.
(thought we should even it out between the sexes!) |
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Emphysema coughed politely... |
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"I seem to have forgotten the point of this entry," mused Lady Amnesia. |
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Emphysema's poor working-class cousin Silicosis coughed politely too. |
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Lord Touchnott, bursting with good cheer, brought a bustling energy into the household that had not been the same since Anorexia had succumbed to the cruel wasting disease that had bedevilled her. |
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The sudden appearance of the good Lord Touchnott, hale and hearty after his long sea voyage, took Asphyxia's breath away. "My Lord," she asked with the best manners and self-possession she could muster, "how did you find the Caribbean?" |
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"I took a left turn at the Azores," said Lord Touchnott, displaying wit if not geographical certitude, for while the jolly lord was always willing to buck up the spirits of any of his nieces, he was too caught up in private worry over the inexplicable (to him) moodiness of his own daughter Dysmenorrhea to pay full attention. |
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"Urethra!!!", cried Labia, "though there is a vas deferens between the male and female species, we have managed to overcome." |
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Mammary popped up and uddered, "I need to get this off my chest. If ever you thought we had a chance with the men, urine big trouble. If there were any chances, you rectum. You consider yourself a cunning linguist but all you succeed in doing is pissing people off!"| — | IBBen,
Sep 14 2000, last modified Sep 15 2000 |
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"Cirrhosis my dear, I think you have had a wee bit much to drink for one night..." |
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My penile warts your herpes, My syphilitic sores, Your moenelial infection, How I miss you more and more. Your dhobi's itch, my scrumpox, Our lovely gonorrhoea, At least we were both lying when we said that we were clear. Our syphilitic kisses sealed the secret of our tryst. You gave me scrotal pustules with a quick flick of your wrist. Your trachovaginitis sent shivers down my spine. I got snail tracks in my anus when your spirochaetes met mine.
Eric Idle & Graham Chapman KGB Music 1980 |
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Has society really come to the point where when we think of diseases half the time we think of STDs?
oh-well. |
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"Et tu, Laraemia?" said Colonel Glanders. |
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After the proposal Hernia felt that her heart must be visibly protruding from her chest it was beating so hard. The thought that she, an orphaned parson's daughter from the shire of Milton Keynes, might be in the position as to become wife to such an august and dashing gent as Sir Vical Smear would have been ludicrous not three months prior. And yet here she was. |
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But, Oh! What about her sisters! She promised herself that, no matter that this might be her one chance to make such a propitious match, she would turn down the proposal unless her new husband would consent to ensure that no harm befall Katatonia and Renalfalia. |
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"Don't forget to come back Teria," she cried, as her dear brother rode off down the driveway in an 'ackney cab to study other cultures. |
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"Take care of your Papa Loma!" he called cheerfully from the road. |
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Loma thought wistfully to herself how they had all of them succumbed to his infectious laughter. |
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As Loma turned back into the room she saw Erythema blushing furiously. She's probably thinking about her brief fling with the youthful Master Bation, she thought. |
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She had not paid any attention today to the Zosters, so full of themselves they looked as though they might burst. |
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"He's off to join the Legion Ella," she said to her sister. |
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"Don't you think the pigs have Tricky noses?" asked Ella. |
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Nothing Ella said ever made sense. She sat there, thinking how she had bloody little Stigmata in the palm of her hand now that her brother had left.... perfect! |
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On reflection,perhaps not everything was perfect; the very thought of Bulimnia made her feel sick to the stomach. |
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"Rubella! Come here!" cried Hyperthermia warmly, "Now, I here you've been a little rash. What's this about you and Major Surgery?"
"But Mama, he was so handsome in his uniform!I couldn't help myself - I was all over him before I knew it".
At that moment, Postule suddenly burst into the room.
"Mama, it's Sam'n'Ella, they've both been sick in the hall!"
"Nasty little bugs" replied Varicella, "a pox on both of them!" |
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Done in reverse in Russell Hoban's "Kleinzeit," a hospital
tale where all the diseases and body parts are borrowed
from other fields of knowledge:
"I'm not worried about your diapason. That sort of
dissonance is quite a common thing, and with any luck
we'll clear it up fairly soon. The hypotenuse of course is
definitely skewed, but not enough to account for a 12
percent polarity ... On the other hand, the X-rays
indicate that your asymptotes may be going hyperbolic." |
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But Doctor, I was implying the question, "Would I live?" Not, "Would you kill me with nitrous oxide?!" |
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Of course, such a novel would have to feature an evil doppleganger who keeps imitating all the female maladies and thus discrediting their veracity and sincerity as characters. Her name? "Hysteria". |
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"women's suffrage? never my dear Munchausen, only by proxy!" |
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I'm glad you don't have to swallow such a bitter pill Agra, murmured Miss Sallow, casting a jaundiced eye over the assembled party. |
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"Orgmentia, is that you? I hear you call - here have a tissue" |
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Scarlet Fever kissed his hand rashly, but Bronze John felt a headache coming on. |
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//Augment' is a disease?// |
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...and this septic story's topic is...?! |
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In the lovely Ebola's embrace, his insides seemed to melt... He was like putty in her hands. |
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Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to pay tribute a dear friend. Many of you knew Monia, but fewer of you knew Mothorax, her second cousin. |
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Y'know, my Auntie Diluvian used to tell me stories of what it was like before the flood... |
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"I'm writing a novel about death", said Ann Thrax, darkly. |
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Have you met my Welsh-Irish uncle, Di
o'Rhea? |
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You've met Tone too, then? |
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I was about to post a link to the movie site for Hercules Returns, an awesome aussie film where all the greek characters are either named after diseases or body parts. But [tenhand] beat me by about 6 1/2 years. |
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Sadly, this is fairly well baked. |
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Somehow I can't find the right words to describe this idea. |
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Ben Bova did this about ten years ago. |
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"This is my Romanian cousin, Sepp Tisaemia..." |
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"Hi, Sepp. I'd like you to meet my
handsome Anglo-Franco-Spanish sports
coach, Dennis el Beau. He's a big fan of
Urethra Franklin." |
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"Well", thought Colonel Mustard Poultice, "That rectum!", as he surveyed the carnage the latest artillery barrage had wrought. |
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(Further details will be found in the
appendix.) |
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Colonel Poultice saw his silly girlfriend, Ella, standing beside him. He leaned over to pat Ella and whispered something humorous in her ear. |
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You had me at the subtitle [+] :) |
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