Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The Sport Of King Edwards

Prepare chips by hitting spuds with a tennis racket
  [vote for,

This is another idea of mine which has been bubbling under since the 1970s and the first time I saw a deep fat fryer.

The holes in tennis rackets can be very similar in shape and size to the form of what we over here call potato chips and to a lesser extent what you over there call French fries. However, we generally either buy chips in chippies or supermarkets or laboriously slice them from potatoes. At this point I can just about hear the laughter of metallic aliens with dalek-like voices.

We already have an almost perfectly good method of preparing chips available to us in the form of a tennis ball launcher and racket. Since this is British cuisine, I envisage this taking place in a real tennis court as opposed to those Wimbledon thingies.

First, sharpen your racket. This racket is stringed with cheese wire and is exceedingly sharp and tough, possibly made of tantalum carbide. Second, put on your tennis whites, which in fact bear a resemblance to surgical scrubs for reasons which will become clear. Third, load up your tennis ball launcher with spuds. Fourth, set off said tennis ball launcher. As it pings potatoes towards you, parry the tubers by means of your razor-sharp racket, thereby reducing them to chips. When you have sufficient chips, vacate the court, whose floor is a hot plate, gradually increasing in temperature as you play. Finally a series of gunwales around the skirting boards opens up, spewing forth cooking oil and the entire chip-covered floor precedes to act as a deep-fat fryer, producing sufficient chips for a post-game meal. Fish out and serve, wrapped in newspaper naturally.

nineteenthly, Mar 10 2017

Thought we had done this, turns out I misremembered Wall_20Masher
[calum, Mar 10 2017]

"French fry" slicers https://www.google....C&biw=1965&bih=1005
They are not all laborious to use. [Vernon, Mar 10 2017]


       // I can just about hear the laughter of metallic aliens with dalek-like voices. //   

       It's all right, we're laughing with you, not at you.   

       Honestly, we are. We really are.
8th of 7, Mar 10 2017

       Why did I not think of drainage? Okay, it has sluices and can drain.
nineteenthly, Mar 10 2017

       How tasty is newspaper ink?
RayfordSteele, Mar 10 2017

       If it's a Murdoch publication, oily, sour, bitter and poisonous.
8th of 7, Mar 10 2017

       [Grayure] says there should be chip boys and girls going round collecting them.
nineteenthly, Mar 10 2017

       I'm thinking more mashed potatoes here than chips as a result.
RayfordSteele, Mar 10 2017

       OR Firing potatoes through a stationary racket with compressed air gun into a deep fat fryer. A cloud of hot grease mushrooms up and falls on newspaper, customers, and tennis whites.   

       Good set up for hospital or detergent commercial.
popbottle, Mar 10 2017

       A quick calculation suggests that the terminal velocity of a large potato should be between 95.38 and 119.66 (recurring) MPH. This means that, given a dicing grid with sufficiently thin, sharp blades, it should be possible to produce chips using something not unlike a shot tower.   

       (Another quick calculation suggests that the terminal velocity of a ShitZu is marginally too low for this to work. However, some very very extensive experiments will be needed to confirm this.)
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 10 2017

       But calories+exercise=less weight gain.
nineteenthly, Mar 11 2017


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