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The Squiddies Internet Award

Given for the most point avoiding waste of other people's time on question and answer sites.
  (+5)
(+5)
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Inspired by my needing a bulb replacement for my turn signal on my Mustang and finding this:

"The rear turn signals, or rear blinkers help to indicate your intentions to the drivers around you. Occasionally these bulbs share the function of the brake light or the tail light. Tools, gloves, shop towels, protective eye wear and new, long life bulbs are needed to get the job done right. Keep watching to see how to do this on your vehicle."

Introducing my first nomination for the Annual Squiddy Awards. Most long winded, pointless, meandering prologue to an information post on the internet.

Instead of the answer being "Sylvania 7440: $7.95 - click here to buy" you get the internet equivalent of getting sprayed in the face by a squid, hence the term "squidding" the spraying of obscuring ink. "What is a tail light? Why do they call it a tail light? Do cars have tails? What is light? Does the universe really exist? Is there a god? What tail light replacement bulb would god suggest?"

I'm an impatient man and I want instant information, not long winded prose about a toilet plunger or a rake. Tell me how much it costs and shut up.

Each year the Squiddy would be awarded for different categories...

....hold on.... wait.... losing interest in this post.... aaaaaand... I'm done.

doctorremulac3, Feb 07 2020

The genealogy of the term "squid". _22Squids_22
[doctorremulac3, Feb 07 2020]

[link]






       Countdown till somebody nominates this post for a Squiddy in ten... nine... eight....
doctorremulac3, Feb 07 2020
  

       "I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of RECIPE WEBSITES suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened."
the porpoise, Feb 07 2020
  

       "a great disturbance in the sauce", shirley ?
8th of 7, Feb 07 2020
  

       If you googled "how to change a Mustang turn signal bulb", you're lucky you didn't get sucked into a page on Freudian analysis.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 07 2020
  

       That might have at least been a bit interesting. I didn't need the rundown on what a turn signal is used for.   

       "This is for all the people who need to replace their turn signal light bulb but don't know what a turn signal is."   

       So how do they know it needs replacing?
doctorremulac3, Feb 07 2020
  

       The internet is a network of devices defined by common communication protocols and assignments of resource addresses delegated from a single international committee. Just think; you might be using it right now!   

       [...]
pertinax, Feb 08 2020
  

       This idea is basically the same as an award for mansplaining, but without the gender politics.
pertinax, Feb 08 2020
  

       I hate those posts SOOOO FREAKING MUCH. They're spam, really. Sites that reward posts based on number of people voting them helpful are the most targeted by squids. An internet squid will copy-paste generic advice about how to fix problems into a three-page novel and answer any question containing that word with his copy-paste. Ask the standard size of the wheel-lugs in a 1998 Toyota Corola and you'll get fifteen pages about Toyota wheels, and none of it will answer your question. Make a detailed post about the sound drivers in your Linux Mint system asking which config file to edit and you'll get ten pages of troubleshooting instructions for Linux that are not relevant to Mint.   

       Enough people are helped by one part of these novels that the posters are upvoted enough for the site to think they're actually helpful, leading to the single sentence post you're actually looking for being pushed down or even off the page of answers.   

       //an award for mansplaining//   

       Don't get me going
Voice, Feb 08 2020
  

       [+1] if this includes 'helpful' posts with long winded responses explaining why you don't need an answer to the question as it was a stupid question, and I'm too incompetent to actually answer anyway, or: you need to format your hard drive. Very occasionally, you get: "in preferences, uncheck: stupid feature put in by an intern that I was too much of a spineless twat to stop him writing, but if I remove it, the system won't compile"... but who needs that answer? *SNAP* voice
darque, Feb 08 2020
  

       Can the Squiddies include a section for those 5 paragraph, super light, articles spread over 24 web page clicks just for more Ad space? But I suppose I should just avoid them.
wjt, Feb 08 2020
  
      
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