Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The ashtray of unspeakable woe

An aid for quitting smoking
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An ashtray with a built in speaker and heat sensor, such that when a lit cigarette is placed in the ashtray phrases such as "Woe, indescribable woe", "Suffering, such terrible, unspeakable suffering" and long, plaintive moaning sounds are emitted as an aversive stimulus to aid in quitting smoking.
bitmonkey, Mar 03 2007

Shai Hulud Ashtray Shai_20Hulud_20Ashtray
by HowardMarks. Seems apropos. [calum, Mar 08 2007]

[link]






       Gosh. An anti-smoking idea.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 03 2007
  

       How Very Annoying
gnomethang, Mar 03 2007
  

       lung shaped?
po, Mar 03 2007
  

       Paul: "What's in the box?"
Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam: "Pain."
jutta, Mar 03 2007
  

       Interesting idea, only I think the association occurs at an inappropriate time of the smoking process, namely, its end.   

       The Lighter of Inconceivable Despair, on the other hand, makes the would-be quitter feel bad about the cigarette from the start! Found to be most effective when used in combination with an Ashtray of Inexpressible Relief.
placid_turmoil, Mar 03 2007
  

       How about just having the ashtray cough?
baconbrain, Mar 03 2007
  

       I think the very nature of this product undermines the 'unspeakable' part of its title.
fridge duck, Mar 03 2007
  

       //Paul: "What's in the box?" Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam: "Pain." jutta, Mar 03 2007//
Bless you.
gnomethang, Mar 03 2007
  

       Dunes, help you breath more easily
marklar, Mar 04 2007
  

       This is not unlike the evil laugh activated hand drier. I would be tempted to take up smoking just for the entertainment value...   

       Actually, that's not a bad idea. What if you had a voice activated lighter and other smoking paraphenalia:   

       "I would really like to inhale a toxic combination of tar, nicotine and other hydrocarbons that will significantly impair my health and will probably lead to my premature death"   

       That way the manufacturers can cover themselves from legal action too.
TheLightsAreOnBut, Mar 04 2007
  

       //Dunes, help you breath more easily//
Well Said [marklar]!
gnomethang, Mar 04 2007
  

       I'm trying to imagine the marketing campaign for a cigarette called "Gom Jabbar".
normzone, Mar 05 2007
  

       I can't see that being an efficient use of your time, normz.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 05 2007
  

       Leave him alone!, he's only Human.
<Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam> I shall be the judge of that!. Let's just say that I assert he may be human.</RMGHM>
gnomethang, Mar 05 2007
  

       It's got the novelty and gag value of the infamous singing mounted bass fish, plus the potential health benefits.
Arlo, Mar 05 2007
  

       //It's got the novelty and gag value of the infamous singing mounted bass fish// i.e. none?
zen_tom, Mar 06 2007
  

       I'd just end up tapping ash on the floor.
theleopard, Mar 06 2007
  

       Wouldn't that just activate the Marvin-esque Shag Pile Carpet of Eternal Depression?

SPCoED: "Ah, so now it's fag ash is it? I suppose that's marginally better than having people walk all over me. Most of them don't even take their shoes off you know. Have you ever seen the stuff that sticks to the bottom of people's shoes?"
DrBob, Mar 07 2007
  
      
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