Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Threaded Beer Cans

For us drunks
  (+19, -4)(+19, -4)
(+19, -4)
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Threaded%20Beer%20Can%20Illus%2e At a party at my house a few months ago, we had a record breaking number of beer cans spilled (we contacted Guinness. The beer company, not the book). I noticed that the majority had been knocked off/out of ill-fitting cupholders on a poker table nearby. I drunkenly mentioned my joke solution to my roommates, who are a bunch of get-rich-quick fiends, and they thought we were gonna make millions. I know better, but I thought I'd share it: Beer cans, or cans in general, that are threaded on the bottom and can be screwed into cupholders. Of course, this would require a standardized threading, and there's the dreaded "but there aren't any threaded cupholders" problem which would have been (and still may be) pointed out in any following annos. If there's a standard, and cupholders are made according to aforementioned standard, maybe, but that'd probably be a pain in the ass.
AfroAssault, Nov 13 2004

Threaded Beer Can ~bz [bristolz, Nov 18 2004, last modified Jun 28 2005]

Recent cabonated drink numerics http://money.cnn.co...oke_pepsi/index.htm
Volume about 10 Billion cases / year (!) [csea, Mar 19 2011]


       Not bad, but a bit fiddly to use. Are beer cans magnetic (Typically, I've plenty of beer cans knocking about, but no magnets)? Failing that, maybe some kind of clamp that holds the can ffast when you push it into it, and has a quick release button to pop it back out again might be useful.
lostdog, Nov 13 2004

       Actually, if beer cans were actively magnetic, it would make them easier to carry. You could just clip them onto each other top to bottom and make them into a big beery walking stick.
lostdog, Nov 13 2004

       I would hate to have to twist my can three revolutions to get it out. It needn't be threaded - - ever opened a CD-Rom spindle? [+]
contracts, Nov 13 2004

       image of drunken man atempting to screw beer can into light bulb socket.
benfrost, Nov 14 2004

       Well, whatever the application, standardizing cupholder sizes would eliminate vestigal car cupholders, so (+).
nick_n_uit, Nov 14 2004

       I wasn't thinking of having finely threaded cans that require a few revolutions to remove, more a coarse thread that would take about one half of a turn to tighten/loosen it.
AfroAssault, Nov 15 2004

       the UK bayonet style (for lightbulbs) might be a simpler design.
po, Nov 15 2004

       How about weighted, magnetic, threaded cupholders? Could be brand-identified, so you can only screw guiness cans into guiness holders, but the holders can go anywhere?   

       I realize that this goes against the grain of the idea, but it's better business sense.   

       Anyway, the cupholders could be optional in large packs of beer. Buy a 24-pack of Schlitz? Get a schlitz cupholder.   

       Make it metal, so it's recyclable.
shapu, Nov 15 2004

       Aluminium beer cans aren't magnetic, but if they are subjected to a strong magnetic field they will 'resist' movement due to eddy currents. The resistive force will increase with the speed of removal.
Finally, it would have a very interesting effect where you could take your can away slowly, but it would resist being knocked over.
However, the eddy current effect could heat up the aluminium (and hence the beer) if the can is removed often. So it's a good excuse to drink more without numerous swigs.
Ling, Nov 17 2004

       Also, you could even put a mating thread on the TOP of the can, so you could screw cans together (in the hopes of them making little beers), or just screw them together to make simple aluminum structures.   

       Envision drunken empty can sword fighting.   

       Oh, and forget adding magnets or suction cups. We're talking about a market that buys beer in cans after all, and any extra cost to the manufacturing has to be cheeeeeeap. Coarse threads can be done cheap.
sophocles, Nov 17 2004

       I think magnetic would be more of a hindrance than a help. Imagine picking up a drink that's stuck to the table; you're going to slosh half of it out every time.
RayfordSteele, Nov 18 2004

       Nice threads, bris.
FarmerJohn, Nov 18 2004

bristolz, Nov 18 2004

       Sold! Rockin illustration, Bris! [+]
Letsbuildafort, Nov 18 2004

       Actually, bris, I was thinking it'd work better if the threaded area was shorter (comparable to the threads on the top of a juice container), say, about 3E-1053 leap years tall. If that's hard to imagine, maybe you need to visit that cube thing.
sophocles, Nov 18 2004

       1/4 turn twist lock might be nice!
Otherwise I would be constantly (ahem!) screwing .
gnomethang, Nov 18 2004

       Yes, well, that's the absurd length I go to for screws.
bristolz, Nov 18 2004

       You'll never hear me complain about long beer-related screws.   

       I'm sorry, that was bad. I'm going to go flog myself now.   

       Wait! No! That's not what I meant!
shapu, Nov 18 2004

       Society has failed at cupholder design; so, this idea should get a prize for getting the most cans screwed between seats.
reensure, Nov 18 2004

       "Dammit! Heineken comes in a Metric threaded can, and all I have are English threaded cupholders!"
krelnik, Nov 19 2004

       Multiple lead threads would make this easier to engage in the holder.   

       And they should definitely be made with male threads on the base, and female threads on the top.   

       Include an o-ring and a piercing tab on the bottom and you could stack multiples together and drink them as one.
normzone, Nov 19 2004

       Damn, and here I am again seven years later. I agree with the above anno. And all the other ones about drunken screws as well.   

       The male / female configuration issue rests on: Would you rather have sharp male threads at the bottom of the can / your hand, or sharp male threads sticking out of your coffee table?
normzone, Mar 15 2011

       None of this addresses the fact that most GOOD beer comes in bottles...   

       Let's see - threaded glass is possible, but the extra weight (think old school glass insulators for phone / power lines) would not be popular.   

       Mulling, mulling...
normzone, Mar 16 2011

       Unless care is taken in the design of the thread, these'll wind up screwed into light sockets.
mouseposture, Mar 17 2011

       [+][+][+] Reading [AfroAssault]'s ideas always reminds me of the time when I first started visiting the 'bakery, and such an idea with a [bristolz] illustration makes that doubly true.   

       Those were the days when beer would flow, silly things happened and all sorts of exciting opportunities lay ahead, a dreamy time when anything seemed possible (albeit tomorrow) and I can remember spending hours in private revery thinking about things real and imaginary, bakery and otherwise, in a warm, nostalgic manner that just doesn't seem to happen these days.   

       No doubt, in years to come I'll come to regard today's days with a similarly rose-tinded halcyon manner - but just for now, thanks Afro, and the rest of you guys back in 2004 for a really good time. [+]
zen_tom, Mar 17 2011

       This reminds me of something that has made it past the drawing board: The Carta Blanca Quitapon. I think I should take you all out for a drink, down in Old Mexico, so that you can experience this.   

       Glass bottle. Bottle cap sized indention on the bottom. The bottom of the bottle can then be used to twist the cap off the next bottle you drink.
swimswim, Mar 19 2011

       I'm not much of a beer (or other canned drink) fan, as I prefer fine wines, but this is an excellent germ of an idea for packaging standard drink containers in a way that reduces external packaging waste (cardboard, plastic rings.)   

       What if cans / plastic bottles were equipped with mating connective surfaces on top/bottom and either 4 or 6 sides? And standard handles for 6 / 12 / 24 or larger packaging geometries?   

       I envision the mating parts to be extruded male and female omega shapes, and of opposite polarity on 1/4 heights. [Oh, for a -bz illustration!]   

       Would have to be very inexpensive to manufacture, but the market is huge! [link]
csea, Mar 19 2011

       // a simple quarter-turn twist-lock system //   

       Why not a simple circumferential channel, like the base of a "rimless" round ? Drop the can into the holder, against the force of a weak coil spring, and the retaining clip rides over the base and latches into the channel like an extractor into a shell casing; press the release button and the can pops up, right back into your hand.   

       Think of a rimless 88mm shell casing, but made of aluminium, and full of beer.   


       That's rather more than two litres of beer, by the way.
8th of 7, Mar 19 2011

       How long before someone decides to make the beer go further, using gunpowder?   

       [zen tom] As we said in the good old days, nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
spidermother, Apr 10 2011

       The "no threaded cupholders" issue could be easily solved: self-tapping beers.
EdZ, Apr 10 2011


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