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At a party at my house a few months ago, we had a record breaking number of beer cans spilled (we contacted Guinness. The beer company, not the book). I noticed that the majority had been knocked off/out of ill-fitting cupholders on a poker table nearby. I drunkenly mentioned my joke solution to my
roommates, who are a bunch of get-rich-quick fiends, and they thought we were gonna make millions. I know better, but I thought I'd share it: Beer cans, or cans in general, that are threaded on the bottom and can be screwed into cupholders. Of course, this would require a standardized threading, and there's the dreaded "but there aren't any threaded cupholders" problem which would have been (and still may be) pointed out in any following annos. If there's a standard, and cupholders are made according to aforementioned standard, maybe, but that'd probably be a pain in the ass.
Threaded Beer Can ~bz
[bristolz,
Nov 17 2004, last modified Jun 28 2005]
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I'm imagining a whole lot of 'screw' jokes and a whole lot of confused pissheads who forget which way screwthreads turn, after they're sloshed. |
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Not bad, but a bit fiddly to use. Are beer cans magnetic (Typically, I've plenty of beer cans knocking about, but no magnets)? Failing that, maybe some kind of clamp that holds the can ffast when you push it into it, and has a quick release button to pop it back out again might be useful. |
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Actually, if beer cans were actively magnetic, it would make them easier to carry. You could just clip them onto each other top to bottom and make them into a big beery walking stick. |
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I would hate to have to twist my can three revolutions to get it out. It needn't be threaded - - ever opened a CD-Rom spindle? [+] |
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image of drunken man atempting to screw beer can into light bulb socket. |
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Well, whatever the application, standardizing cupholder sizes would eliminate vestigal car cupholders, so (+). |
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I wasn't thinking of having finely threaded cans that require a few revolutions to remove, more a coarse thread that would take about one half of a turn to tighten/loosen it. |
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the UK bayonet style (for lightbulbs) might be a simpler design. |
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How about weighted, magnetic, threaded cupholders? Could be brand-identified, so you can only screw guiness cans into guiness holders, but the holders can go anywhere? |
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I realize that this goes against the grain of the idea, but it's better business sense. |
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Anyway, the cupholders could be optional in large packs of beer. Buy a 24-pack of Schlitz? Get a schlitz cupholder. |
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Make it metal, so it's recyclable. |
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Business plan ensues, for universal beerholder, which allows you to screw any can into your car's dashboard. Sales in rural areas skyrocket, based on door-to-door sales staff efforts in trailer parks. |
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Aluminium beer cans aren't magnetic, but if they are subjected to a strong magnetic field they will 'resist' movement due to eddy currents. The resistive force will increase with the speed of removal.
Finally, it would have a very interesting effect where you could take your can away slowly, but it would resist being knocked over.
However, the eddy current effect could heat up the aluminium (and hence the beer) if the can is removed often. So it's a good excuse to drink more without numerous swigs. |
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Also, you could even put a mating thread on the TOP of the can, so you could screw cans together (in the hopes of them making little beers), or just screw them together to make simple aluminum structures. |
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Envision drunken empty can sword fighting. |
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Oh, and forget adding magnets or suction cups. We're talking about a market that buys beer in cans after all, and any extra cost to the manufacturing has to be cheeeeeeap. Coarse threads can be done cheap. |
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I think magnetic would be more of a hindrance than a help. Imagine picking up a drink that's stuck to the table; you're going to slosh half of it out every time. |
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All done with "squeaker" pens, too? |
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It's a nice style, you have. |
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Sold! Rockin illustration, Bris! [+] |
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Actually, bris, I was thinking it'd work better if the threaded area was shorter (comparable to the threads on the top of a juice container), say, about 3E-1053 leap years tall. If that's hard to imagine, maybe you need to visit that cube thing. |
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1/4 turn twist lock might be nice!
Otherwise I would be constantly (ahem!) screwing . |
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Yes, well, that's the absurd length I go to for screws. |
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You'll never hear me complain about long beer-related screws. |
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I'm sorry, that was bad. I'm going to go flog myself now. |
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Wait! No! That's not what I meant! |
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Society has failed at cupholder design; so, this idea should get a prize for getting the most cans screwed between seats. |
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"Dammit! Heineken comes in a Metric threaded can, and all I have are English threaded cupholders!" |
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Multiple lead threads would make this easier to engage in the holder. |
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And they should definitely be made with male threads on the base, and female threads on the top. |
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Include an o-ring and a piercing tab on the bottom and you could stack multiples together and drink them as one. |
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