Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Toilet cybersnake

The ever clean toilet aid
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As perhaps all of us men have already noticed, even though our penis is a wonderful piece of hardware that enables us to piss while standing (amongst other things, of course), it’s not without its flaws. For instance, while it is true that the jet of urine is consistent enough to allow us to aim at a precise target, the rotational speed is perhaps not sufficient to prevent some spray around the target. As a result, even if we start with a perfectly clean toilet, it is more than sure that, after a good relief of the bladder, the toilet will be clean no more. To solve that small inconvenience and as a herald of cleanliness I propose a small apparatus that will keep all sanitary objects as clean as when they were originally bought.

It consists of a hose with a female receptacle. This hose is articulated and the joints are motorized so that it’s able to reach the user’s penis by itself. A video camera and an intelligent docking system are also part of the package. The idea is that the user stands in front of the toilet and takes the male organ out as he generally would when urinating on a toilet. The image processor unit of the docking system recognizes a penis in its field of cybernetic vision and activates the hose that will *gently* dock with the aforementioned male organ. The user will then comfortably and without the inconvenience of holding his trumpet, piss away. The system will monitor for the end of the urinating act and wait some time after the last droplet. After the timeout has been reached, some washing solution with neutral PH will be squirted up the hose. A mild temperature air jet is then used to dry everything up. The hose finally undocks and recoils back to its nest. The toilet is left with its original clean fragrance. Always clean and dry!

PauloSargaco, Sep 12 2003

P-Mate http://www.p-mate.com/eng/product.html
Possible female attachment. [RoboBust, Oct 04 2004]

[link]






       Do it come in different sizes?
grip, Sep 12 2003
  

       hope it hurts.
po, Sep 12 2003
  

       AAAAaaah! What the fuck!?</sound of guest using your restroom and being attacked by strange mechanical snake, trying to bite him where he desires not to be bitten>
Worldgineer, Sep 12 2003
  

       Does the image processor register when it should not activate, because some randy Andy is about to repeatedly dock his trombone in the female receptacle?
FarmerJohn, Sep 12 2003
  

       [grip] it's self adjustable at the end. Fits snugly to any size of penis.   

       [po] Well, the idea is not to, but that can come as an extra.   

       [Worldgineer] Well, I could have a poster showing how the thing works   

       [reensure] what do I need a "counter-rotational speed adjuster" for?
PauloSargaco, Sep 13 2003
  

       I love the 'intelligent docking system.' Could it be accompanied by some sort of hydraulic pressure release noise when docked?   

       Fighter pilots and those of the video-gaming bent would opt for manual control override, using a joystick.   

       I can see the movie now. "Come on, Rookie, park that thing."
<default female computer voice>"Contact in T-minus 4 seconds.....3.....2.....1....."
"Houston, we have soft seal."
  

       Scotty: "It's retracting, captain, but the release is jammed! We're getting pulled in!"
"Red alert!"
RayfordSteele, Sep 14 2003
  

       I'm glad I'm not the only one who envisaged mid air refueling when reading this idea.
RoboBust, Sep 14 2003
  

       [RayfordSteele] Tell you what: we'll add skins (as in themes). You could choose a theme which would include a full soundtrack and different looks for the snakey-thingy. You'd have the obvious themes: Star Trek, Star Wars, X-Files, you name it. You could also have custom made theme.   

       // Scotty: "It's retracting, captain, but the release is jammed! We're getting pulled in!" "Red alert!" //   

       Good point! I'll add a panic button for some possible malfunction. It comes with a direct phone line to a 24 hour help service.   

       - Hello sir. And how can we be of service today?
- MY DICK'S STUCK!!!
- Yes, sir, please calm down, everything will be alright.
Could you tell me the diameter of your penis at the moment?
- ....
  

       [RoboBust] I must admit the mid air refueling concept contributed to my idea.
PauloSargaco, Sep 15 2003
  
      
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