Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Unhappy Meal

Well it would struggle to be less healthy
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I wondered for a long time. What is a happy meal? Until I realised that it was only the amazing amount of sugar that children were taking in, leading to hyperactivity, which is often confused with happiness. But a hyperactive child is quite the opposite of what the average parent would want. I propose a meal for such children.

Instead of changing the actual end result, it is the ingredients that would be changed. Almost all traces of salt would be eliminated. In place would be a spicy sauce or peppers. The fries would also be made spicy and desalinated. The spice would overpower the senses, leaving the child unaware that his or her salt had been removed. To cope with such levels of spice instead of a soft drink, the child would get vast quantities of water.

Needless to say this meal would also come with a bland and generic toy. Perhaps a block of wood or a lump of clay.

hidden truths, Mar 14 2005

The Improved Ronald McD http://mirthlessmime.tripod.com/
Not exactly professional but it was the best I could do on short notice [hidden truths, Mar 18 2005]

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       I don't know why lumps of clay aren't handed out in happy meals now anyway, there is a lot more you can do with that than a crappy little captain hook with 360 degree spinning arms.
fridge duck, Mar 14 2005
  

       Ha, water wont help with spicy foods. You need milk, or something like that. Ineteresting idea otherwise.   

       By the by, I like your profile page.
finrod, Mar 14 2005
  

       You forgot the broccoli.
DrCurry, Mar 14 2005
  

       Have the meal come with warm milk. Not only will it neutralize the spiciness of the peppers like [finrod] said, but it'll put the little ones to sleep, too! Hurraaaay.   

       You know what's more boring than a block of wood or lump of clay? A cotton ball.
Machiavelli, Mar 14 2005
  

       Perhaps a pair of very bland socks. Although I'm not too certain how comfortable I would be eating a meal that came with free socks. Also I think that broccoli would be of too distinguishing a colour and would potentially excite the children. Also Ronald McDonald would become a black and white mirthless mime.
hidden truths, Mar 14 2005
  

       [finrod] It's from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (ch. 2) by Lewis Carroll (Rev. Charles L. Dodgson).
FarmerJohn, Mar 14 2005
  

       Heh. Good one, [Bubba].
Machiavelli, Mar 14 2005
  

       I know where it's from [FJ], otherwise I probably wouldn't find any humor in it. Although I don't think I could have nammed the chapter.
finrod, Mar 15 2005
  

       [finrod] I have my suspicions that [FJ] is a closet Alice fan and is looking to show off his vast superior knowledge. I think that someone who didn't understand the reference might just consider me a trifle mad.
hidden truths, Mar 15 2005
  

       yes!   

       &   

       am a closet FJ fan.
po, Mar 15 2005
  

       Ronald, the on-staff Kineseologist would help.
mensmaximus, Mar 15 2005
  

       Or, even, the on-staff kinesthesiologist.
bristolz, Mar 15 2005
  

       [Bristolz], sorry that's what I meant. Someone mentioned one on my cell today and I didn't hear it clearly.   

       They could also hand out those new daily detox pads for foot arches as well, with meals.
mensmaximus, Mar 15 2005
  

       I knew what you meant and I have a friend who is one, so, I have been dragged all through the proper spelling mud on the word and decided to share that misery with you ;-)
bristolz, Mar 16 2005
  

       [bris] is slipping into Afrikaans.
hippo, Mar 16 2005
  

       Jislaaik, al wat ek gedoen het was om "proper" verkeerd te spel --- nou word ek daarvan beskuldig dat ek die moedertaal wil verander?
bristolz, Mar 16 2005
  

       [UB]: Ek is diep dankbaar dat jy my taalvaardigheid waardeer.
bristolz, Mar 17 2005
  

       Uhm...ow-hae are-ae oo-yae?
shapu, Mar 18 2005
  

       Fine, and thou?
bristolz, Mar 18 2005
  

       Cover the box in pictures of the cow's living conditions and method of death, and include a fresh (though sterilized through radiation) eyeball as a toy. Include a game on one side where you guess how many years you'll die early from eating fries every day, and another to guess how many square feet of rainforest was burned to make your meal.
Worldgineer, Mar 18 2005
  

       A general assembly of bread from France, tomato from Brazil, lettuce from the South Africa, potatoes from the UK, pickles from Russia, coke from the US, sauce from Australia, toy from China: that’s a UNhappy meal.
FarmerJohn, Mar 18 2005
  

       [FJ], you meant, no?
bristolz, Mar 19 2005
  

       Free toy required for purchase.   

       Oh, it's absolutely Afrikaans. Maybe you're just not used to seeing the educated variety ;-)
bristolz, Mar 19 2005
  
      
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