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Unholy Guacamole

When "Holy Guacamole" just isn't your thing...
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3 Avocados, plucked from trees on which men have been hung.
1 chopped Tomato, from a vine bathed in the blood of virgins on the eve of a full moon.
œ chopped Onion (medium), chopped before a goat on the Sabbath.
2-oz. Sour Cream, from milk of the Unholy Cow of Wagga Wagga.
1 clove Garlic, chopped finely with a silver blade on All Hallows Eve.
salt and black pepper to taste
2-3 wedges of lemon (Be sure that the lemons are *evil* lemons. Goatee beards are the usual give away)

Important: Picking the right Avocado. Avocado's for this recipe must be plucked from a tree on which a man has been hung from. This can often be difficult to find in your local green-grocer, so I recommend "Unholy and Evil Supplier R Us" who will ship within 72 hours, anywhere in the world.

Cut the Avocado in half the long way. Separate into two. Remove the pit. Chant the introduction to the Necronomicon thrice whilst holding the pit in one hand and a handful of mother's hair in the other.

Take a tablespoon and put in between the skin and the pulp of the Avocado and remove the pulp. This can be messy so ensure you do not soil your ceremonial robes of Cthuga, as the stain can be a bugger to get out.

In a good size bowl, dice up the pulp of two Avocados into Πinch pieces. Mash the third Avocado like a potato. Combine all the ingredients and mix well with a spatula. Store in refrigerator, though a handy mauseleum or butchery cold storage room will suffice in a pinch.

If possible, get unsalted corn chips.

Freelancer, Mar 30 2003

For billallen6 http://www.drugstor...r_rash_ointment.htm
A holy experience [thumbwax, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

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       Dimandja: check your spelling - that tag won't work with a {.
DrCurry, Mar 30 2003
  

       [Dimandja] Actually, considering it's a joke recipe and a play on the phrase 'Holy Guacamole', I doubt a recipe site would have accepted it.   

       I am aware of the dislike of recipes.
Freelancer, Mar 30 2003
  

       Thanks for that [UnaBubba]... I don't know if I'll be able to look at Avocado based dips the same way ever again.   

       Much for the same reason that I don't eat Peanut Butter anymore.
Freelancer, Mar 30 2003
  

       [bristolz] True, true... except this isn't really a proper recipe, but more an intentional perversion of one to fit the "Unholy" bit *Grins*
Freelancer, Mar 30 2003
  

       Actually the non-twisted version is quite nice. I personally prefer to add some tabasco and paprika when I'm making my guacamole, but for this recipe I just took one from a book I had lying around.   

       It all depends how hot you want the dip.
Freelancer, Mar 30 2003
  

       Personally, I'd use a lot more garlic.   

       I was at a Trader Joe's in Boston last weekend where I saw some premade guac. The container had a picture of a guy with a morterboard hat and lots of mathematics symbols floating around. The brand name was (are you ready?) ... Avocado's Number.
snarfyguy, Mar 31 2003
  

       the name "unholy guacamole" implies that regular guac is holy.
igirl, Mar 31 2003
  

       No it doesn't. Does "Holy mackeral!" imply that regular mackeral is unholy? The default state of (most) things is to be neutral w/r/t holiness.
snarfyguy, Mar 31 2003
  

       well, "holy mackerel" does to me...
igirl, Mar 31 2003
  

       igirl: You've never heard the term "Holy Guacamole"?
Freelancer, Apr 15 2003
  

       Looking for the guacamole recipe created by Beaudreau's in San Antonio. This is truly a holy exsperience. Anyone got the recipe? Reply to billallen6@aol.com
billallen6, Apr 17 2003
  

       Wasn't it the Necrotelecomnicon you were supposed to chant from?   

       Oh and I tried looking for a website for Unholy and Evil Supplier R Us...but couldn't see it. Do they have a web presence? If not, what is their number, as Mystical Magick Mayhems (Eastern Import Co) Ltd seem not to supply the hung men avocados.
AJCrowley, Apr 20 2003
  

       It's called Wal-Mart.
snarfyguy, Apr 20 2003
  

       The Necrotelecomnicon only works on the Disc world.   

       Sadly, "Unholy and Evil Supplier R Us" went Bankrupt after the Great Bile Daemon Tragedy of 2003. Someone had left a naked flame near the Bile Daemon pen and they found the Warehouse - empty - in Rhode Island. They never found the Accounting Department.
Freelancer, Apr 24 2003
  

       Guacamole has always been unholy. Those saying the opposite are liars.... LIARS!!
Pericles, Aug 11 2003
  
      
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