h a l f b a k e r y
May contain nuts.
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Here's a theme restaurant for you. Featuring such menu items as Mama Cass Sandwiches, Steak and Stolen-Kidney Pie (served with a side of ice and a note that reads, "call 911"), and Real Dog - Or Is It? - Hot Dogs, this homey little diner provides its customers with service that is always faultlessly
nice. Too nice, in fact.
The dessert menu favorite is the 1970's classic: 15 bags of Pop Rocks and a large Coke. Signed liability releases are accepted in lieu of reservations.
(?) Truth as strange as fiction
http://www.cnn.com/...uit.reut/index.html
Icky. [PotatoStew, Apr 04 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
Craig Shergold
http://lawlibrary.u...LIB/jun93/0177.html
*The* Craig Shergold story. [UnaBubba, Apr 04 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
[link]
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Make sure the booths have optional seatbelts, too:-). You don't want to get trapped in a belt if the restaurant catches fire. All the survivors can congratulate themselves on being bright enough not to use theirs. |
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And the ever-popular worm burgers. |
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And a slice of Animal 57, please, medium rare. |
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Rat-head hamburger, anyone? Oh, wait... that actually
happened... |
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Human excrement tacos...oh, that happened too <shudder>. |
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Chicken Head Nuggets, and Scalding Hot Coffee... wait that happened too. |
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Blue Plate Special: microwaved poodle dogs! An explosion of taste. |
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right next door to a hairdresser..... |
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And a veterinarian on the other side... |
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Envionmentally conscious customers would be pleased to know that the diner dumps all of its leftovers down the sewer, to feed the resident alligators and savage black pigs. |
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Your waiters tonight will be Elvis, Josef Mengele and Lord Lucan. |
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Don't use the payphone... or order a kebab made by five different Arab men. |
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Order a steak from a cow killed with a laser weapon from a black helicopter somewhere over Montana. |
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Check the mayonnaise for maggots. Do not use it as personal lubricant if you can see fly eggs in it. |
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Have a chat to the guy _not_ out walking his dog, about your scuba holiday in the Aegean. |
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Instead of expired car reg'n plates tacked up around the walls we have a luggage rack with a realistic looking hand attached. We also have a box into which you are encouraged to toss your business card so we can send it off to Craig Shergold, (who, incidentally, has undergone neurosurgery and his brain tumour is now in complete remission). |
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All of the music is played backwards, so you can tap along to the subliminal beat. |
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The head waitress is a woman with a beehive hairdo and a nest of carnivorous cockroaches on her head. Of course, she has cancers in her armpits from her deodorant, early onset Alzheimer's and psoriasis and cancer of the scalp related to the Sodium *lauryl* sulphate in her shampoo . |
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Once, i found a sheep in my food, or was it just Haggis? |
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[Don't ask about the Spanish Oysters] |
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And for the lady, might I recommend the lobster? |
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You can buy a franchise with the money Bill Gates sends you for passing on the Microsoft email. |
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You're forgetting the door handle with the bloody hook, and the rhythmic scraping emanating from the ceiling... |
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As part of the Grand Opening Special, free desserts will be awarded to anyone who a) asks if the building has a basement, b) lets someone else buy him or her a drink, or c) offers to investigate that noise in the ceiling. |
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Hell, let's give anyone who does (c) a free meal ... when and if he or she ever comes back. |
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Would all the drinks come in old-style cans with pull-tabs so that customers could collect them to donate to hospitals so that they could buy dialysis machines?
Wait a sec while I put "Louie Louie" on the jukebox so I can sing along. |
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And periodically, the phone at your table will ring.
"hello?"
"I am the Viper. I am coming over now."
"AAAHHHH" |
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Every 100th can of Pepsi would contain the needle from a
syringe. |
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Strangely enough, I got a letter asking me to send a business card to Craig Shergold in the mail today. |
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You'd get all of your drinks in cans, but you'd have to save the pop-tops to help a poor Missourian child stay on dialysis. |
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Not so much for the nasty food names but a good Urband Legend story would be nice to learn about while eating. |
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Another dessert specialty - bananas. With spider.
Your seats would be shaped like cars (just like in that restaurant in Pulp Fiction), and every hour or so, an elephant would take a seat on the hood (reinforced, but with satisfying "collapse" mechanism). |
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