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The Bald Eagle can currently carry 4 pounds (1.81
kilograms for the real world) about 60 metres in a
straight line (Snow, C. 1973. Habitat Management Series
for Endangered Species. Bureau of Land Management
Report No. 5. Southern Bald Eagle and Northern Bald
Eagle. Technical Note TN-171.)
weight of a newborn baby is 7 pounds
(University of Utah Health Science Centre, 2001)
5 eagles can carry 20 pounds, or 9.07 kgs. We'll assume
they can lift that the same length. Given that they would
lift the object upwards, not being a physicist or indeed
someone inclined to strain the lifting power of eagles to
any length, we'll say that the eagles could lift in tandem
the 20 pound object 30 metres upwards.
Given that by the end of the second year of a newborn's
life they have quadrupled in weight, an average child
would weigh 28 pounds. Diet has an effect on this of
course, along with the racial and genetic make up of the
child in question. But we're talking averages here.
Anabolic steroids alone would see an increase in size,
muscle mass and overall efficiency in the animals,
however it is really a temporary measure and wouldn't
significantly alter the avian for our purposes.
While I hesitate to mention selective breeding, it does
appear to be the most overall efficient way to increase
the size and capabilities of the avian involved without
tampering hormonally or other such. To begin, I'll point
out the difference between the almost pre-historic but
still extant horse found in Mongolia (standing 128cm at
the withers) and with the common Clydesdale horse
(standing roughly two metres tall at the withers) - 36%
larger than the Mongolian horse. We'll assume that the
lifting/pulling capacity is at least increased by the same
percentage, given that I was unable to find the stats for
the Mongolian horse to compare with that of the
Clydesdale. (Various sources. Have a look at google.)
Applying the same principle to the eagle, we could see an
increase in its lifting capacity by 36% (approximately a
third) given a selective breeding program and sufficient
time. That would give a single eagle the lifting capacity
of 2.5 kilograms (approx.) and the group of five eagles
the lifting capacity of 10 kilograms, or approx. 28
Why would anyone want larger eagles that can lift 2.5
Ever been shopping, and behind you is that whining kid?
You know the one. It screams. It begs. It whines. It
demands lollies (or candy, given your nationality) or that
Action Man figure. It squeals, grunts and otherwise
makes a range of sounds commonly attributed to a pig
being tortured or a kraken with constipation.
Ever been walking in the park, only to be harassed by
something not so much a dog but a rat on a leash? The
tiny thing yapping at you as if you have bacon in your
pants (hey, who am I to judge if you do, right?) while the
owner looks on fatuously at its yipping rodent with
nothing but a beam on its face and the cry of the stupid
The enlarged eagles are what you need. Given how well
an eagle (and indeed other birds of prey) can be trained,
wouldn't it be worth it to see the whining child carried to
the top of a 30mtr building and left there by a majestic
flock of enlarged eagles? Perhaps you'd like to see that
little hairy rat taken far away - perhaps the big cat
enclosure at your local zoo - never to pester you again?
We need less focus on such piddling little problems like
cola wars and how many licks does it take to get to the
centre of a tootsie roll. We need enlarged lifting eagles.
Average growth rate of children
[Freelancer, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]
Big enough. [bungston, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]
Baby Goes For Ride
EDIT, 2012: THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES [Freelancer, Dec 19 2012]
watch the above link first to get context.
money shot, zoomed/stabilized [FlyingToaster, Dec 20 2012]
||Well at least you've done some research!
I wouldn't mind some of these to help me with my groceries.
||Ohinnitcute - watches helplessly as eagle snatches bun from grasp.
||it all makes sense really when storks bring 'em in the first place.
||The next step from killer bees and killer dogs.
||The eagles you have in mind.... are they African or European?
||"Blue... no, no! Wait! Yellooooowwww..."
||5 annos to Monty Python.
It beats Kevin Bacon into a cocked hat
||Eagles schmeagles. What you want is an Andean condor.
||I have a vague memory of reading about a chicken being raised in a centrifuge to simulate a higher-gravity environment, with the result that its physiology adapted and made it grow larger muscles and suchlike. This technique could perhaps be used as an alternative or in addition to steriods and selective breeding to enlarge the birds.
||If we could just teach Ostriches to fly.
||And there was much rejoicing.
Suggested title: "Even more useful birds of prey". After all, they already predate rabbits etc.
||They could grip the child by the husk.
||How about golden eagles? Or Osprey if we're trying to
stay with the mid-size SUV range of raptors? I think that
either of these could probably kick some major bald eagle
tail in the american ornithologist caber toss.
Or how about making gyrocopter-type eagles? Give em a
little helicoptor rotor on a harness so that you still have a
trainable platform for lifting but with an extra boost.
"Yeah, flying Japanese Sand Tigers, that's the ticket..."
||No no no. Cruel treatment of these majestic animals, sorry. Bones away.
||Could the eagles be trained to rescue people from burning buildings? No horizontal transport required, just flap the wings hard enough to dampen the impact.
In their spare time the eagles would of course be encourage to train with little obnoxious kids. Crossbreed them (the eagles, not the kids) with golden retrievers and they (the eagles, not the kids) may even consider it fun.
||Or how about a trained falcon that
fetches beer and women's
||Would the undergarments still have the women in them?
||^ AHH HAHAHAHAHAHA : I don't know which is more amazing [Freelancer]: the link, or you remembering your password after 9 years.
||Actually, wonder of wonders, I remember the
||It took a while, though, not going to lie >_>