After catching footage of Britain's foremost ginger
married at the weekend, I couldn't help noticing some of
the security arrangements. Many were common sense,
including a guest list filled with candidates to thwart any
would-be assassin. James Corden for example,
so physically and ideologically tempting that an
assassin would change plans, reveal themselves and buy
valuable time. Similarly James Blunt, tempting and
possibly useful under fire.
Other security arrangements were apparent: roads were
closed and lined with a human shield comprised of
volunteers. Most of the serious people moving was done
convoys of Range Rovers. Wise choice. Identical cars with
tinted windows make it very hard to be sure of the
They're tough, can push through barriers, good turn of
speed, capable across country and the rear hatch is an
unbeatable camera/gun platform. Sadly, they tended to
drive around on nice roads at steady speeds, a scenario
that's workable for our would-be assassin.
To get around this clear flaw, I recommend the
of speed bumps along the VIP route. These should be
random in every respect, short, long, high, low, half
etc. The route should then be driven extremely quickly
a crack team of Finnish rally drivers with names like Juha
Once loaded into the vehicle the VIP will be an
target for a sniper. Shooting down the road, the VIP
vehicle will spend half the time obscured below the
bumps, and the other half rising** unpredictably into the
air. Side on, speed shortens your time window, and our
Finnish friends make it impossible to know the
of the target car. Normal cars point forwards and go
forwards, today however, Juha Makkillaiinien has opted
take bump 4 sideways since it lines him up better for the
tricky gravel left hander past the fountain.
VIPs may not be so comfortable, but, safety first.
*The practice course can be assembled in Wales and used
as a stage on the WRC calendar. Security is assured since
Finnish drivers can't communicate information beyond
choice, and rally fans do not survive the race weekend.
** Often several feet.