Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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VIP Anti-Sniper Speed Bumps

Safety is important, VIPs deserve Very Safety
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After catching footage of Britain's foremost ginger getting married at the weekend, I couldn't help noticing some of the security arrangements. Many were common sense, including a guest list filled with candidates to thwart any would-be assassin. James Corden for example, represents a target so physically and ideologically tempting that an assassin would change plans, reveal themselves and buy valuable time. Similarly James Blunt, tempting and possibly useful under fire.

Other security arrangements were apparent: roads were closed and lined with a human shield comprised of royalist volunteers. Most of the serious people moving was done in convoys of Range Rovers. Wise choice. Identical cars with tinted windows make it very hard to be sure of the target. They're tough, can push through barriers, good turn of speed, capable across country and the rear hatch is an unbeatable camera/gun platform. Sadly, they tended to drive around on nice roads at steady speeds, a scenario that's workable for our would-be assassin.

To get around this clear flaw, I recommend the installation of speed bumps along the VIP route. These should be random in every respect, short, long, high, low, half width etc. The route should then be driven extremely quickly by a crack team of Finnish rally drivers with names like Juha and Lauri*. Once loaded into the vehicle the VIP will be an impossible target for a sniper. Shooting down the road, the VIP vehicle will spend half the time obscured below the bumps, and the other half rising** unpredictably into the air. Side on, speed shortens your time window, and our Finnish friends make it impossible to know the orientation of the target car. Normal cars point forwards and go forwards, today however, Juha Makkillaiinien has opted to take bump 4 sideways since it lines him up better for the tricky gravel left hander past the fountain.

VIPs may not be so comfortable, but, safety first.

*The practice course can be assembled in Wales and used as a stage on the WRC calendar. Security is assured since Finnish drivers can't communicate information beyond tire choice, and rally fans do not survive the race weekend.

** Often several feet.

bs0u0155, May 23 2018

a bit inspired by.. Speed_20Bumps_20Mad...n_20Out_20of_20Cars
[bs0u0155, May 23 2018]

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