Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Vehicular Vet

From Truck Nuts to Truck Nutless
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I know that many of the HB's contributors aren't in the States, and I hope that Truck Nuts - large faux testicles that hang from the vehicle's trailer hitch - are a cultural phenomenon that is so far limited only to North America.

It is a sad statement for our culture that so many of our citizens, insecure in their own sexuality, must then assign a gender to their vehicles to bolster their own, and then accessorize the vehicles to better express that gender. Worse yet, the scale of the falsies ranges from merely unimpressive down to embarassingly tiny. For an animal the size of a pickup truck, the testicles should be considerably larger than what are generally displayed on the truck. But that's nothing: it's unseemly, and the legality is questionable.

If I were to express my gender in similar fashion, I would be summarily gathered up by the local gendarmes and hauled in for processing. One does not expose one's naughty bits to the wide population in such a way. There are impressionable children and disapproving Southern Baptists who will be offended at the mere mention, let alone the sight, of such a thing. This sort of thing is not smiled upon in the vast majority of N. America - I apologize right now if there's something about Canada I didn't realize.

What is needed is simply an extendable pruner - no further development is needed here, as many examples already exist - a steerable mount, a small camera at the business end, and the appropriate controls and monitor inside the cabin of your own vehicle.

At a long traffic light, should you be fortunate enough to pull up directly behind a vehicle equipped with falsies, flip a switch to power up the Vehicular Vet, and go to town:

Extend the boom, steer the boom as necessary to center the offender's artificial scrotum in the Vet's jaws, and flip the toggle that closes the pruning shears and severs the offending vehicle accessory. It falls to the ground. The Vet applies no torque, tension or pressure to the accessory - aside from shearing it completely off - so no vibration is transmitted through the frame of the offender's vehicle. The Vet retracts quickly, quietly and completely back under your car. The offender drives off, now safe to be let out among the rest of traffic.

elhigh, Dec 16 2007

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       i can just imagine it being ripped off the underside of your vehicle (the device, that is) while they 'ballsey' person takes off rather quickly.   

       it happens here, in metro detroit at least, custard.
crazyrog17, Dec 16 2007
  

       Even the autoboner liked this idea !
batou, Dec 17 2007
  
      
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