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Velvet-Antler-Helmet Massage Spa

Specially trained massage technicians treat back pain wearing helmets adorned with velveted antlers.
 
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You walk in, bare foot wearing a towel, over the luscious green grass floor, and lean against the cushioned, slightly obtuse-angled wall. There is a hole for your face, in which there is an illuminated scene of rolling hills, trees, a lake and distant mountains.

As you relax, listening to the sounds of North American birdsong, and feeling a slight breeze whisk around your ankles as though you were out in the wild summer's countryside, you become aware of a shuffling behind you. You've been instructed to remain staring straight ahead, so you do.

For the next hour, what feels like a deer's velveted antlers kneed your back, its several tips massaging your muscles simultaneously with a sensation of both pressure and softness that works away your knots and leaves you feeling absolutely refreshed, relaxed, restored. When the treatment is over, you wait just a moment. You're waiting for the sound they told you to listen out for. There it is: a bleat.

You push yourself out of the cushioned wall and look behind you. There, standing behind you, is a beautiful lone deer with velvet antlers. You are welcome to feed it some of the grass and pet its head.

Thanks for visiting. Please come again.

theleopard, Jan 24 2013

One of our massage technicians... http://images.huffi...lerssmall-thumb.jpg
... who we recently fired. [theleopard, Jan 24 2013]

The competitor spa across the street... Slugged_20in_20the_20Face_20Spa
I'm not certain which one to go to... [normzone, Jan 24 2013]

[link]






       Whenever I start reading something like this, I get a paragraph or two into it and then have to scroll back up to look at the category in an attempt to figure out how the hell I got here.
normzone, Jan 24 2013
  

       does that help
FlyingToaster, Jan 24 2013
  

       This is one unloved category.
theleopard, Jan 25 2013
  

       This is one very strange idea. Why do all the ideas recently seem strange to me??? Is it me, or is this just a strange little cycle in the history of the bakery, me wonders.
blissmiss, Jan 25 2013
  

       Nope, my ideas are always like this.
theleopard, Jan 25 2013
  

       What the hell is wrong with you boners?! How can anybody possibly not bun this idea?
Alterother, Jan 25 2013
  

       Not all of us have your unfettered access to deer.
normzone, Jan 25 2013
  

       Thanks [Alterother]!
theleopard, Jan 28 2013
  

       Why a helmet if you never see how its done ? Doe!
bigsleep, Jan 28 2013
  

       I suppose you could hold the helmet, but the best masseurs learn to use their heads, delivering a more authentic deer-massage.
theleopard, Jan 28 2013
  
      
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