h a l f b a k e r y
"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
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You walk in, bare foot wearing a towel, over the luscious
green grass floor, and lean against the cushioned, slightly
obtuse-angled wall. There is a hole for your face, in which
there is an illuminated scene of rolling hills, trees, a lake
and distant mountains.
As you relax, listening to
the sounds of North American
birdsong, and feeling a slight breeze whisk around your
ankles as though you were out in the wild summer's
countryside, you become aware of a shuffling behind you.
You've been instructed to remain staring straight ahead, so
For the next hour, what feels like a deer's velveted antlers
kneed your back, its several tips massaging your muscles
simultaneously with a sensation of both pressure and
softness that works away your knots and leaves you feeling
absolutely refreshed, relaxed, restored. When the
treatment is over, you wait just a moment. You're waiting
for the sound they told you to listen out for. There it is: a
You push yourself out of the cushioned wall and look
behind you. There, standing behind you, is a beautiful lone
deer with velvet antlers. You are welcome to feed it some
of the grass and pet its head.
Thanks for visiting. Please come again.
One of our massage technicians...
... who we recently fired. [theleopard, Jan 24 2013]
The competitor spa across the street...
I'm not certain which one to go to... [normzone, Jan 24 2013]
||Whenever I start reading something like this, I get a paragraph or two into it and then have to scroll back up to look at the category in an attempt to figure out how the hell I got here.
||This is one unloved category.
||This is one very strange idea. Why do all the ideas
recently seem strange to me??? Is it me, or is this just
a strange little cycle in the history of the bakery, me
||Nope, my ideas are always like this.
||What the hell is wrong with you boners?! How can anybody
possibly not bun this idea?
||Not all of us have your unfettered access to deer.
||Why a helmet if you never see how its done ? Doe!
||I suppose you could hold the helmet, but the best
masseurs learn to use their heads, delivering a more