h a l f b a k e r y
Strap *this* to the back of your cat.
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Kevin van der Graaff's cunning generator is well known for its ability
to make one's hair stand on end. When the body (and hair) is
charged to a high enough voltage, electrostatic repulsion makes the
hair want to get away from itself and from the body, with the
pretty clear that there are two problems with the van der Graaff
generator. First, the voltage it supplies is only sufficient to raise
hair, which is amusing but not useful. Second, anyone touching the
van der Graaffee gets a short, sharp shock and the effect ceases.
MaxxxCo. has developed the Viagra de Graaff Bed for late-middle-
aged couples who want to put some zap back into their love-life, but
are uncomfortable with pharmaceuticals.
Simply climb aboard the Viagra de Graaff Bed, switch on, lie back,
think of England, and wait. The ceramic bed legs will provide
adequate insulation as the entire structure is slowly charged to an
undisclosed and implausibly high voltage. Your hair, and that of your
partner, will begin to stand on end when the voltage reaches the low
thousands. You may notice a slight smell of ozone - this is normal.
Eventually, the voltage will cause everything to stand on end, and to
extend perpendicularly from the body. Once this state is achieved,
proceed as you think best.
MaxxxCo. warmly invites users of the Viagra de Graaff Bed to use
the Slow Discharge switch before attempting to leave the bed. We
also advise against taking crisps, popcorn or other lightweight
comestibles onto the bed whilst in use.
[mouseposture, Jun 08 2010]
||I did mention that this is specifically for _late_-middle-aged
||Then you put on the music.... Van Der Morrison of course "It's a marvellous night for a moondance"
||but will it turn innies to outies?
Is //Think of England// some patriotic flagpole raising metaphor because it just makes me think of the Queen and, well, bless her'n all, but, she's just not doing it for me guv.
||//flagpole raising metaphor// Hardly. <link>
||Wellll, there's something I coulda known yesterday.
||'think of england' don't bother we can't afford the electricity bill!
||I was going to bun until I got to the //think of England// sentence...although not thinking of the Queen, I was left feeling chilly and foggy...OK, so I checked out the link about thinking about England and still would much rather think of Brad Pitt...no vote.
||If the voltage is high enough for a viagra effect, isn't the repulsion strong enough so that the upper partner just floats in space?
||That is one of reasons why the Viagra de Graaff Bed
has been a slow seller.