h a l f b a k e r y
"Put it on a plate, son. You'll enjoy it more."
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Vlad The Awakener is a simple alarm clock that is based on the
nefarious activities of Vlad the Impaler.
For those who don't know
about Vlad, see link informing them more of his life and in particular his favourite execution method. ie impaling people on sharpened standing sticks. (up to 20,000
at a time - yikes!)
The clock is simple, comprising of an appropriately gothic face
hands, linked to an upright stick, at the top of which sits a figure.
the pre-assigned hour, the figure begins sliding down the length of
the stick while the clock delivers the pre-recorded sounds of painful
howling, accompanied by peels of demonic laughter that may be
attributed to Vlad and his supporters.
Pressing the snooze button pauses the progress of the figure and
silences the apparatus. The final demise is reached
when the apex of the impaling stick emerges from the mouth of
which can then be repositioned ready for the next wake up call.
Vlad The Impaler
don't complain about the food.... [xenzag, Aug 12 2013]
||Gruesome, horrible and in very poor taste.
||Could the effigy be selected from a range of
politicians and celebrities ? Voice chips
implanted in individual units could provide
convincing renditions of screaming and pleas
for mercy interspersed with repentance for
||It would be particularly apposite to have a
set of catholic priests and monks who wail
their confession to hideous acts of abuse.
Also included in the set would be a couple of
bishops and a pope, but of course they just
||I see no reason why a range of figures could not be
available for nightly selection. A blank faced figure would
also allow the user to paste in place a printed image of the
features of their chosen victim.
||[+] positively disgusting.
||Ha - the less horrific version of the same principle features a fireman sliding down a pole, (as they do in UK anyway) and the more risque version of that idea features a pole dancer, only instead of just sliding, she spirals down. I still prefer Vlad.
||[true but irrelevant] My mother was once given some
unidentified kind of gazelle when she was out in
Iraq. She called it Vlad the Impala. [\tbi]
||If she studied it hard around the belly area, would this be
called navel gazelling?
||If Vald suffered a disabling infliction, would he be known
as Vald the invalid? Had enough?
||Ha. Predictive text on iPad.
||In Aberystwith there's a jet-ski repair
company run by an Eastern European emigre
the locals refer to him as "Vlad the