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Voice Recognition Answering System

Effective for the Womanizer, Bill-Dodger, and anyone that needs a personal secretary but is too cheap to hire one.
 
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Ever get annoyed by ole 'What's-her-name" from that one night stand three weeks ago? Perhaps you are a Momma's Boy that hasn't had time in your busy schedule of video games and internet porn chat to return her calls. Well never fear!

The Voice Recognition Answering System can do your dirty work for you.The first time someone calls your phone, you press a button on your machine and it records their vocal pattern. Then no matter what they say when they call you again, it recognizes them. There would be a pre-set number of responses per person that you could pre-program with your voice, or the voice of another to answer as soon as the person calling you begins their message.

Example: *ring, ring* This is Bubba, I'm not in right now, but if you'll leave your name and number I'll call you back. *beep* (Momma:)"Bubba, why don't you ever answer..." *machine cuts in with your voice, as though you are answering the phone* (Simulated Bubba on Track 3, randomly choosen response:) Oh hey Momma, I love you and I'd like to talk, but I was just on my way to the bathroom, ate some bad chineese. (pause) I really have to go Mom! Love you! (Hang up)

Example 2: *ring ring* This is Bubba, yadda yadda yadda. *beep* (Shirley from that three week ago one night stand that calls you every freaking day:) Bubba, why don't you return my call..(Simulated woman on Track 5 of the "if Shirley calls again" track.:) Hello, is this that Shirley that keeps calling? Well, let me tell you something you little hussy, if you EVER call my husband again, I'll pour a 50 gallon bucket of whoop-ass all over you, do you understand! *hang up*

Not only do you avoid having to answer these minorly annoying calls, but you also get the satisfaction of hearing their responses to this taped. Who could ask for anything more? I mean, besides the fact that you didn't have to get up from that stimulating chat conversation to enter the real world.

(Personal aside: Yes, this is my first post. I did search to see if there was anything like this before I posted, if I missed it, by all means let me know...I'm sure you won't dissapoint me.)

vendetta, Jul 16 2003

Ferris Bueller's Day Off http://us.imdb.com/Title?0091042
"Ferris sets up a tape recorder and rigs it to his doorbell and telephone. When the princiapl calls or comes to the door he gets a recorded message about how sick Ferris is from Ferris himself." No voice recognition, though. [phoenix, Oct 04 2004]

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       I don't know how good voice-print accuracy is at distinguishing, and properly identifying, a specific voice. Perhaps you could raise the accuracy a bit by correllating caller-ID info to the voice-print as well.   

       It'd be bad to play the whoop-ass message accidently to the wrong person--like the woman you are just starting to put the moves on. (Of course, were I the woman I would prefer the whoop-ass over you, I think).   

       Another weakness is that, in your scanrio, you have to manually capture the voice-print to begin with. You need it to be automated, somehow, I think.
bristolz, Jul 16 2003
  

       **note** Actually I was thinking of one of these for an ex-husband I have...he seems to need one.   

       Linking it with caller ID...yeah...now why didn't I think of that?
vendetta, Jul 16 2003
  

       This is a good idea vendetta. Congratulations. It's original and very good for a first post, I say. My boyfriend would need one for the constant job offers he has to reject.
Pericles, Jul 16 2003
  
      
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